Loving Rebuke

Parshat קדושים is filled with a number of ethical laws. One of them teaches that aside from the commandment to love every Jew, we are also commanded not to hate another Jew.

The suggestion of the Torah to avoid these feelings of hatred is to rebuke our fellow Jew if they have wronged us. Whether if we wronged in money matters, or caused bodily harm, or shamed by our friend, when we rebuke and make them aware of what they have done, it will allow these feelings of hatred to subside. It is now up to the other side, to rectify the situation.

What might even be more important about this subject of rebuke, known as תוכחה, is how we learn to accept rebuke.

In פרקי אבות we are told that one of the ways of acquiring the Torah is to be אוהב את התוכחות, to love rebuke. When someone wishes to offer constructive criticism, we should accept it with love, and not get insulted.

A priority for us should be to always improve ourselves. If someone offers us suggestions that can turn us into better people, we should show gratitude for such help, rather than get offended. Obviously, we would rather receive praise than criticism, but we must have the humility to receive such constructive תוכחה.

King Solomon said it best in Mishlei, with the words, “Rebuke a wise man and you gain a friend. Rebuke a fool, and you gain an enemy.”