Proper Education

The case of בן סורר ומורה, the rebellious son, teaches us a great deal about educating our children. The actual case never happened, but there is a great deal to be learned from it.

The parents of this difficult son, bring him to the elders of his town. They explain that the boy is incorrigible. He is a glutton and a drunkard, and he’s only thirteen years old.

The key words from this incident, come from the words, איננו שומע בקולנו, “He does not listen to our voice. We learn from here that both parents must be of the same voice. They are in total agreement as to how to raise their child. They are of one voice.

The Talmud elaborates on this and says that in order to execute the rebellious son, one parent cannot be more imposing than the other. Even their actual voices should be similar in addressing their child.

There was a great line from the movie “Parenthood.” ‘You need a license to drive a car. You need a license to fish. But any idiot can be a parent.’

There is a section in the Shulchan Aruch called “Chinuch Habanin.” It gives guidance to parents and educators as to how to influence young people. We must teach values, and the merit of living a life of Torah and Chessed.

But when all is said and done, the most important educational tool, is to set the right example. Our children are watching our every move. They can see if their parents are sincere and are of “one voice.” Perhaps this is what was lacking with our rebellious son. His parents didn’t work hard enough to set the right example. Their son noticed their hypocrisy and phoniness, that may have led him astray. Parenting is very hard work, and this is the only way we will succeed. It is a difficult task, but critically important for the future of our people.