Self Improvement

In my classes on dating, I told my students to look for three qualities in a potential spouse. These were absolutely mandatory in order to pursue a long lasting relationship.

The first quality was an appreciation for Torah study. This is meant to be the foundation of every Jewish home. If Torah is important, then Jewish values are equally important.

Jealousy is a potential deal breaker. If a jealous nature is detected early in the relationship, it is a sign that it will never be possible to make that person happy. They will always be focused on what others have, and they will be unable to be content with their lot.

The third quality is related to Sefirat Haomer, the counting of the Omer between Pesach and Shavuot. It involves an emphasis on self improvement. My recommendation to my students was to make it clear that “working on oneself,” and trying to become a better person, must be a priority.

In an ideal marriage, the couple encourages one another to grow spiritually. Together they reach levels that were unattainable when single.

The idea of Sefirat Haomer is that every day, a higher level of holiness is achieved. At the end of the forty-nine days, we are ready to receive the Torah anew.

Pirkei Avot points out that there is no such thing as stagnation. “If we are not increasing, we are decreasing.” Every day is a struggle to become better and better, and to go higher and higher. If we are not consciously aware of this, we might fall.

Self improvement is not only a prerequisite for a meaningful relationship. It is our obligation as Jews to constantly strive to achieve more on behalf of the Jewish people, and to do what is right in the eyes of G-d.