Rachel’s Loyalty

The marriage of Yakov to Leah and Rachel, has a point that is not given enough emphasis. This is the behavior of Rachel towards Leah, and how this was a great act of compassion.

Rashi tells us that Yakov and Rachel were fully aware that Lavan was very devious, and he might try something to sabotage their marriage. They were even ready in case Lavan would switch Leah for Rachel, at the last minute. Rachel gave Yakov certain signs, that would prove it was her, and not her sister.

When the wedding day came, there was a last minute change of plans. Rachel realized that if she exposed her father’s deceit, the victim would be Leah.

If Leah didn’t go ahead with the marriage, she would have suffered great shame and embarrassment. She would not go down in history as one of our Matriarchs, and she could have gotten stuck marrying Eisav.

As much as Rachel desperately wanted to marry Yakov, she could not destroy her sister. Rav Elazar Abuchatzeira often pointed to this story, to remind us that if we are ever in a situation where we can cause great harm to another Jew, we must not do so. And this applies even when we were wronged by that person.

If, for example, we were forced to sue someone in court for cheating us. If we are in the right and we win the case, but the other party cannot pay, and will lose everything, we cannot destroy him. We will not see any blessing from any of the funds he is forced to pay back.

Rachel taught us the true meaning of compassion. It is an extremely valuable lesson for us, and how we are to treat others.

Stay Away from Evil

There is an interesting commentary from the Baal Haturim, that shows how a great deal can be learned from every detail of the Torah.

When Yakov arrives in Charan to seek a wife, he meets some of the locals near a problematic well. He asks them if they know Lavan, son of Nachor. They answer that indeed, they do know him. He then asks, השלום לו, “Is there peace with him?” They answer only with the word, “Shalom.” The Baal Haturim claims that they were actually what kind of person Lavan was. Is he honest and righteous? Their answer of שלום without שלום לו, was a hint that he is none of those things, and we really don’t care for him very much. It was a subtle warning to watch out for that guy.

Another point of the Baal Haturim is that there is no real peace for the wicked. They might live a life where they acquire material gains. But their lies and deceptions, do not give them happiness, and peace of mind.

Crime really does not pay. There might be short term gains in taking advantage of people. But in the end, the Lavans still have to live with themselves. Deep down, they know who they really are. This does not bring them joy.

Clearly, when one always tries to do the right thing, and never wavers in his faith and principles, he will have happiness and peace of mind. Truth always wins in the end.

Yakov’s Challenges

This week, the focus of the Torah shifts to Yakov Avinu. We learn of the struggles that he went through in his life.

When Rivka convinced Yakov to dress up as Eisav, she said, עלי יהיו כלנה, that basically meant that the responsibility for what he did was on her. The Rabbis noted that the word, “עלי,” is an abbreviation of עשו, לבן, and יוסף. These three individuals presented Yakov, with the greatest challenges of his life. He needed to outsmart his brother, Eisav, and his father in-law, Lavan. His separation from his beloved son, Yosef, for twenty-two years, caused him tremendous grief.

The Kuzari tells us that Yakov was the first person after creation, twenty-three generations later, who had completely righteous offspring. They were worthy to become the foundation of the Jewish nation.

Yakov needed to develop the tools to deal with the wicked, and still maintain his integrity. He knew that leaving Israel would give him less protection, as he was no longer surrounded by the holiness of the Holy Land. This is why he took a fourteen year detour to study in the Yeshiva of Shem, to strengthen himself.

When he had the dream of the ladder, with the angels ascending and descending, he was shown the future. He saw the long exile they would face, and how they constantly needed to overcome enemies wishing to destroy us.

We must armor ourselves with the protection needed to deal with our own challenges. Unfortunately, there is still evil in the world, that must be defeated. With the resolve and faith of Yakov Avinu, as our guide, we can overcome all obstacles, and maintain our integrity, in our service to the Al-mighty.

Yitzchak’s Prophecy

Yitzchak Avinu had a major confrontation with Avimelech, regarding the wells that he dug. The Plishtim kept filling up his wells until Yitzchak rebuked Avimelech, and they ultimately made peace.

There were conflicts regarding the first and second well, but not the third. The Ramban said that this was a hint to the first and second Temples that would be built and destroyed. The third Temple would last forever.

It is interesting to note Yitzchak’s words when matters were settled. He called the third well, “Rechovot.” He said that now Hashem has made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the Land.

This is a prophetic statement, for it implies that when Jews are living in Israel, their population will increase.

There is a little known Midrash related to Chanukah, that tells an incredible story. Among the decrees of the Greeks against the Jews, was that they did not allow Jewish women to go to the Mikva. They did not want the Jewish population to increase. A miracle occurred where every home had a Mikva appear in it. Yitzchak’s prophecy of being fruitful in the land, was coming true.

We fail to sometimes recognize and appreciate the miraculous times, that we are witnessing. The Jewish population in Israel was 600,000 in 1948, and today it is approaching seven million. This is further proof of Yitzchak’s prophecy, and an indication of how G-d is showering us with His blessings. We only need to open our eyes to appreciate it.

Stay Away from Evil

There are various explanations as to why Yitzchak became blind in his old age. The best known reason is that when he was bound on the altar by his father, the angels cried. Their tears went into his eyes, and eventually caused blindness.

There is also the possibility that Yitzchak was blinded by Eisav’s idol worship. As part of his worship, there was a great deal of smoke, that filled Yitzchak’s tent, from the incense burned. This caused loss of vision.

The Torah warns against taking bribes. Yitzchak was bribed by Eisav’s fake piety. The bribe is capable of “blinding the eyes of the righteous.”

The final explanation comes from the Talmud in Megilla 28a. There is a warning not to look at the image of an evil person. If one repeatedly looks evil in the face, it could cause loss of vision. Not only are we to distance ourselves from evil, we should also not even look directly at evil.

If our great Patriarch, Yitzchak, could be so negatively affected by his association with evil, we certainly need to take great care to separate and insulate ourselves.

Knowing the Torah Intuitively

The Gemara in Yoma tells us that Avraham Avinu knew the entire Torah intuitively. As usual, the Baal Haturim finds a Gematria regarding Avraham that come to, “אף עירוב תבשילים.”

This indicates that he even knew rabbinic law involving cooking from Yom Tov to Shabbat. The simple explanation is that Avraham was on such a high spiritual level, that he knew the Mitzvot his children would observe.

On a certain level, some of the events of our calendar, make sense. It is reasonable that we should have a day of rest each week. This is needed to give us perspective and realize that there is more to life than the physical.

It also makes sense that there be a holiday at the end of a long winter, for cleanliness. A physical house cleaning, combined with cleaning out negative personality traits, seems to make sense.

At the onset of summer, a holiday that renews the special bond between Jews and G-d, is definitely needed. This would be meant to give strength, to avoid temptation.

A holiday in the fall focused on asking for forgiveness, is necessary in case summer was too challenging. A follow up holiday, after a very prosperous harvest, is essential as a reminder, that life is fleeting. Moving into a temporary hut, might drive home this message.

Certainly, Avraham Avinu had his intuitive methods to figure things out. But if we look at where our holidays are placed in our annual calendar, they do make a lot of sense. How fortunate are we to be descendants of our Father Abraham.

Manipulative Love

The Baal Haturim points out that Lavan is known as לבן הארמי, simply translated as Lavan the Aramean. But if we take the word ארמי, and change around its letters, we get the word רמאי, meaning, cheater.

There is a great deal to be learned about a scoundrel like Lavan. It is no coincidence that לבן, means white. This would imply someone who is honest, sincere, and clean. Lavan was none of these.

Elsewhere in the Torah, we praise Balak, King of Moav. Although he wished to destroy the Jews, he did not cover up his intentions, and where he stood. Even though he was truthful in a negative way, he was still truthful.

Lavan, on the other hand, concealed his real feelings, and pretended to care. He wanted his family to believe that he was a loving father and grandfather.

It was only after Hashem’s intervention, that he backed off, and went his separate way. He later admitted that he wanted to kill Yakov.

Rivka had grown up in a house of lies and deception. She could not easily be fooled. This is why she was on to Eisav’s fake piety. Yitzchak was more gullible, as it was hard for him to believe that this kind of evil could exist.

It is very troubling to see parents manipulate their children, by claiming that they are only making their requests because they “love” their child. The innocent child assumes that the parents are telling the truth, and if they are loved, they should follow what they are told.

Obviously, there are good, sincere, and loving parents. But, too often, there are also families that use the “love” ticket to give bad advice and really harm their own children.

The Lavan episode, serves as a warning to us, to look at a person’s actions, and not his words, to see if he genuinely cares, and wants what is best for you. The worst scenario is when this so called, love, leads to a damaging and controlling relationship. Such a manipulative relationship, far more resembles Lavan, than one of true love.

Two Views of Yitzchak and Eisav

There are two very contrasting opinions as to the behavior of Yitzchak towards Eisav.

One opinion believes that Yitzchak was completely fooled by Eisav’s pretending to be righteous. He allegedly asked his father detailed questions about Tithing salt. Yitzchak was actually bribed by his son’s flattery.

And this was the reason why he lost his vision in his old age. The Torah warns that a bribe can blind the eyes of the wise.

Rav Shlomo Mann gives an opposite explanation. He points out that Yitzchak became suspicious that he was being fooled by Yakov, when Yakov said that he brought him food quickly, because he was helped by Hashem. Eisav didn’t speak that way, where he would mention Hashem in his conversation. Immediately, Yitzchak asks to feel Yakov’s arms, because of this suspicion.

Rav Mann felt that Yitzchak knew exactly who Eisav was. But he hoped that if he encouraged him, even though he was not sincere, maybe something would sink in. The proof that his strategy worked was that Eisav respected his father to the extent that he said he would wait until his father died, before killing his brother. It’s always good to give the benefit of the doubt. This is an interesting demonstration showing how the same incident can be seen very differently.

Yakov and Eisav

Rivka’s pregnancy was very difficult with great turmoil. There is even a Midrash that says that she was advised to terminate the pregnancy. There was a certain potion they took, that caused the fetuses to abort.

The Baal Haturim noted that the Gematria of the words, שני גיים, two nations, was equal to the names Antonines and Rabbi Yehuda, who descended from her.

The Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, was a descendant of Eisav, and Rabbi Yehuda Hanassi, the editor of the Mishna, descended from Yakov Avinu.

The Gemara in Avoda Zara describes the remarkable friendship between these two great leaders. They even constructed a tunnel between their two homes, and met on a regular basis.

Antoninus had great admiration for Rabbi Yehuda Hanassi. He often sought his advice on major decisions he needed to make as emperor.

We are also told that Antoninus would get down on all fours so that the saintly rabbi could step on his back, to help him get into bed. He was assured by the rabbi that despite his being a descendant of Eisav, he would still merit Olam Haba.

It is amazing that there are a number of instances where our enemies, become our admirers, or even convert. One such example is the well known convert, Onkelos. His translation of the Torah to Aramaic, is still studied today. What many do not know, is that Onkelos was the nephew of the evil, Titus, who destroyed the Second Temple. There are numerous references among the prophets that speak of the time when all of the nations of the world, will embrace the Jewish people. They will regret how the Jews were treated throughout the generations.

Although there were always the Eisavs that wished to destroy us, but there were also those that respected us. Hopefully, we are quickly approaching the day when the whole world will recognize the truth and beauty of Judaism and the Jewish people.

Why Do We Pray

The Talmud in מסכת ברכות explains the reason why formal prayers were established. We pray three times a day during the week, and a fourth prayer, Mussaf, is added on Shabbat and holidays.

There are actually two reasons given, that overlap one another. The first is that the daily prayers were ordained by the Patriarchs.

The Torah hints that Avraham invented the morning prayer, Shacharit. When Yitzchak meditated in the field towards evening, Mincha was created. And before Yakov rested in the evening, he prayed the Ma’ariv or Arvit prayer.

The second reason in the Gemara for prayer, is that it takes the place of the sacrifices. Since we no longer have a Temple, we must regularly reach out to Hashem, in a formal manner. The Shacharit and Mincha services, correspond to the קרבן תמיד, the permanent sacrifice offered every morning and evening. There was an additional sacrifice, called, “Mussaf,” offered on Shabbat and holidays.

The overlapping of these two explanations is that there was no sacrifice at night. By the same token, there was no Patriarch that established Mussaf. Therefore, both explanations are needed.

The text of all these prayers were formulated by the Men of the Great Assembly, between the first and second Temple. Many of the members of these 120 scholars, were prophets, implying the great depth to the words we pray. It is our prayer that the 120 members of the new incoming Knesset, be granted similar Divine inspiration.

Why Marriages Fail

The Baal Haturim tells us that when Rivka came into Yitzchak’s tent as his wife, he loved her. This was true love as it was not based on anything physical or material. It was a deep, lasting love.

Rabbi Avraham Twerski, who was also a psychiatrist once wrote why marriages fail. He said that the main reason is that the marriage starts out badly from the start.

It is based on, “She says that he has something that I really want, and he says that she has something that he really wants.” When that something is no longer relevant, the marriage falls apart.

The example of Yitzchak and Rivka is that they shared common spiritual goals. These goals never get old, and they establish a partnership that lasts a lifetime. The physical and material are fleeting. They can easily become stale with time.

And certainly, a common lofty goal, is the joint effort in raising children in the path of the Torah. When couples work diligently towards this goal, it helps solidify their bond as well.

Again, the Torah in its own subtle way, gives us lessons that are very valuable. This is the purpose of the Book of Bereishit. We are to learn from the examples of the Matriarchs and Patriarchs.

Finding a Mate

When Eliezer goes out to seek a wife for Yitzchak, he comes up with a condition that will show the worthiness, of the bride to be. She must immediately show signs of Chessed and kindness.

She will do this by offering water to him and his camels. This will show that she is not selfish, but thinks of others.

It is important to note that the Torah is teaching us that this is the most important character trait to look for in a mate. If they do not see that giving selflessly to others is a priority, there could be problems later on.

I always told my students to look for certain specific positive traits when looking to marry. All of them, are deal breakers if these traits are lacking.

First, they must be individuals who understand that they must be constantly working on themselves to become better. As a couple, this task becomes much easier.

Second, they must demonstrate a love for the study of Torah. Such study, must become the foundation of the home.

The third point is to look out for a jealous nature. When one has jealousy in his heart, he will never be happy, and it will be very difficult for a spouse to ever please them.

And the final point is to watch out for feelings of entitlement. When someone feels, everything is coming to them, they will not know how to show appreciation for one’s generosity. It’s difficult for a marriage to work, if one side never feels appreciated.

Eliezer began our lesson as to what to look for in a spouse. I added some of my own points based on the Torah and my own experience in counseling numerous couples. It would be a good idea to learn these lessons well.

A Very Content Mother Sara

The death of our Mother Sara, is generally explained that her soul left her when she heard about the Binding of Isaac. This is generally scene as a very sad tragedy, but there could be another way of looking at what transpired.

As parents and grandparents, we view our task as being teachers and role models, to our children and grandchildren. It is our desire that they learn values and become good, G-d fearing Jews. We continue to give them guidance, to set them on the right path.

Sara understood that this task was placed on her as well. She was to educate her beloved son, Yitzchak, to become a leader in Israel, with unshakable faith in Hashem.

When she heard how Yitzchak conducted himself at the Akeida, and he showed he was willing to give his life, to follow the Divine will, she was satisfied. All of her efforts to instill all that was good in her son, had proven successful.

She had fulfilled her role as mother, and there was nothing left to teach. Yitzchak had mastered everything he learned in his home. Sara was able to leave the world, with great contentment. Her task was over, and she succeeded.

Perhaps it is not realistic that our offspring turn out like Yitzchak. But we must never shirk the responsibility we have to do everything in our power, to instill real Jewish values in our children and grandchildren. They need us, as there are so many enticements in today’s world that could lead them astray. As there is still breath within us, we must not falter in this huge challenge placed upon us. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to one day leave this world and see beautiful fruits of our labor!

Israel’s Second City

The Midrash tells us that when Avraham Avinu served the three angels, he had difficulty catching one of his goats. He chased all the way into a cave, where the goat was hiding. Avraham tasted an amazing sweet fragrance. He realized that it was the smell of the Garden of Eden, and somehow, the entrance to Gan Eden was from there.

This was the מערת המכפלה, the Cave of Machpeila, which Avraham eventually would purchase from Efron the Hittite. He would later learn that Adam and Eve were buried there.

Today this holy site is visited by Jews around the world, as they pay their respects to the Matriachs and Patriarchs of our people.

Because the city of Hebron is often mentioned in the news, in the context of tension between Israelis and Palestinians, the holiness of this city is often overlooked.

It is the “second city” of holiness in all of Israel. Only Jerusalem is holier.

King David made Hebron his capital for seven of his forty year reign. King Saul’s general, Avner Ben Ner, is also buried in Hebron.

The cemetery in Hebron was closed to Jews until the heartbreaking story of Sara Nachshon took place. Sara, the wife of artist, Baruch Nachshon, had lost her infant son to an illness. His name was Avraham.

She carried the remains of her young son to the cemetery and made a request. Things had come full circle, where now Sara asked for a burial place for Avraham.

This time it was Israeli soldiers that had to grant permission. They were full of compassion and broke down and cried. Since then, many holy Jews have been buried there.

We must not overlook this holy city that is rich in Jewish history, and sanctity. All who visit are uplifted. And it all began with a lost goat!

Don’t Be Judgmental

After we learn of Sara’s death, we are told that Avraham went to eulogize his wife, and cry for her. The word, “לבכותה,” to cry, is written in the Torah, with a small letter “כ.”

Many commentators speculated as to the reason for this unusual spelling. The Baal Haturim gives a powerful message with his explanation. He wrote that the small “כ” hinted to the fact that Avraham only cried a little. He wasn’t allowed to fully mourn for his beloved wife, because she was in the category of מאבד עצמו לדעת, that she committed suicide.

The Baal Haturim is referring to the incident where Sara asked Hashem to judge between her and Hagar. Asking for דין, judgement, is a kind of death wish. If the world was judged purely by דין and not רחמים, mercy, nobody could survive.

The Rabbis have a saying that one who judges his friend negatively, will be punished first. People do not realize how much damage they are doing to themselves, when they judge others. And this harm is even greater, when this judgement includes not wishing others well.

This message should be taken very seriously.We must learn to be positive, wish others well, and learn to genuinely be happy when others are successful. Perhaps if we realize the harm we are doing to ourselves, when we think negatively of others, we would make a strong effort to correct this major character flaw.

If a saintly woman like our Mother Sara was called out for her bad judgement, it should motivate us to make these necessary changes.

Circumcision

We learned at the end of Parshat Lech Lecha, the importance of the Mitzva of Brit Milah, or circumcision. Avraham Avinu performed this Mitzva at the age of ninety-nine. This is what made him complete, and worthy of being the father of the Jewish nation.

Other than the offering of the Pesach sacrifice, Milah is the only positive commandment in the Torah, where a punishment is attached for its non fulfillment. The punishment is “Karet,” being cut off from the Jewish nation.

It is amazing how many times I have witnessed adult males, who eagerly performed this Mitzva, in their desire to convert and become part of the Jewish nation.

It is equally amazing how this Mitzva is fulfilled by Jews of all denominations, as they realize that this is the ritual, that makes the Jewish baby, part of the Jewish people.

In the days of the Tanach, it was a very derogatory way to speak of someone as ערל, “Arel,” or uncircumcised. David told King Saul that there was no need for him to be afraid of the ערל, Goliath.

This coming week’s Parsha, begins with Abraham’s recovery from his procedure. Hashem visits him to show the example of visiting the sick.

There is a Midrash that says that Avraham sat by the entrance to Gehinnom (translated as hell) and tried to even prevent the wicked from entering unless they were circumcised.

This Mitzva has a great deal of mystery connected to it. Yet, all Jews understand and believe how important it is to perform. It represents a kind of inexplicable spiritual bond between all Jews.

This spiritual bond should spread to become a physical bond, where we become as we were on Mount Sinai, איש אחד בלב אחד, like one man of one heart.

Maintaining Independence

A great deal is learned from the dialogue between the King of Sodom, and Avraham Avinu. Avraham has liberated Sodom with an incredible war victory. The king apparently wished to offer a generous reward to Avraham for his efforts. He could have made him extremely wealthy by taking the spoils of war. Avraham declined this offer.

He was trying to teach a lesson to future generations in terms of how to deal with our Gentile neighbors. Before accepting gifts from them, one must be very careful to see what the ramifications are, of such gifts.

If they are able to use these gifts as a means to control us, and make us beholden to them, we must retain our independence.

Abraham declared that he was not willing to have the King of Sodom brag that he was the one who made Avraham a rich man. The price of accepting this token generosity, would cost much more in the long run.

This message also applies to us on a personal level. We must do our best to retain our independence, so that we are only subservient to Hashem, and nobody else. This can apply to our relationship with family members or our employer. Before we accept financial offers, we need to see if there are strings attached. Avraham taught us that we must take great care, so that our pure connection with G-d is not obstructed.

A Loving Family

The Baal Haturim takes the last letters of four consecutive words in Parshat Lech Lecha. The words are, איש מעל אחיו אברם. These last letters spell the word, שלום, peace.

The reference is to the separation between Avraham and his nephew, Lot. Rather than continuing a dispute and creating more bad feelings, Avraham realized that if they keep their distance from one another, there could be Shalom between them.

There was once a Jewish comedienne named Milton Berle, who said, “Happiness is a warm, loving family, in another city!”

We are taught by our sages, and we include this in our morning prayers, that Hashem will help us be distanced from bad friends and bad neighbors. We must place ourselves in the best possible environment for growth.

When it comes to family, we need to be truthful and see if closeness to them is helpful and positive, or not. I make a point of telling young couples about to marry, that they must set boundaries with their so called close relatives.

I have seen numerous instances where the meddling of well intentioned parents, destroys the marriage of their children. It is hard enough to keep a marriage together these day. The young couple must be given their space so that they can build their own relationship that will increase their love and respect for one another.

The stories of the Torah carry very practical lessons. There are times that for the sake of peace, and one’s mental well being, where it becomes necessary to keep a distance from negative influences. Perhaps the words of Milton Berle, are not a joke, but sound advice.

Reward and Punishment

The Ramchal has a short essay on reward and punishment at the end of his book, Derech Hashem, the Way of G-d.

It is well known that one of the Thirteen Principles of Faith of the Rambam, is that G-d rewards all good deeds, and punishes the bad deeds. This is viewed as one of the foundations of Judaism. Hashem expressed His confidence that His justice would be taught by Abraham to his children.

The Ramchal’s explanation of how this system of justice works, is very insightful. Because it is a Divine system, it is very complex, and not easily understood by man. The important point to know is that it is absolutely just, and that we cannot understand it.

There are certain good and bad deeds, whose rewards and punishments, are felt immediately. There are others that may take a while to be seen, according to whenever Hashem decides. And there are other instances where the reward and punishment will not be seen at all in this world. This justice will come after we leave this world.

We should not be deterred by צדיק ורע לו רשע וטוב לו, where it appears that the wicked prosper, and the righteous suffer. Our responsibility is to be the best people we can be, and have the confidence that absolute, perfect justice will come, as G-d sees fit.

Abraham’s Sins

There is a well known saying of the Rabbis, that Hashem is very particular with the righteous. The expectation of exemplary behavior is much greater on them, than on average individuals.

This could be the explanation of a strange Gemara in Nedarim. It gives three apparently, minor infractions of Avraham Avinu, that was treated very harshly, and was the cause of the exile to Egypt of the Jewish people.

He questioned G-d by asking for some proof that his seed would continue his beliefs.

His deal with the King of Sodom, was wrong in that he returned his prisoners. He should have taught these prisoners about the One, true G-d.

And the third infraction is very difficult to understand. The Gemara says that Avraham was guilty of taking Torah students away from their studies, and making them fight in that battle of the four kings verses the five kings.

The Torah says, וירק את חניכיו, translated by Artscroll, “He armed his disciples.” The version of the Talmud is that he emptied his students of their studies.

All of these minor sins can be seen as a very strong response by Hashem. But this last point is especially troubling. It could very well be that there is a double message here.

There is no doubt that fighting in Hashem’s army, is one of the loftiest pursuits for a Jew. We cherish the holy soldiers of the IDF. But we must never minimize the contribution of diligent Torah scholars, whose devotion and dedication also brings protection to the Jewish people.

Even in the time of Abraham, this message rang clear. We must love our soldiers defending us. But we must also love our Torah scholars, who also defend us.