A Kiss Or a Bite

There is a well known Midrash that describes the reunion between Yakov and Eisav. This is a very different explanation than what is understood from the text.

It appears that Yakov’s strategy of appeasement worked. The Torah makes it look like all was good. Eisav is so moved by Yakov’s generous gesture, that he embraces and kisses his twin brother.

The Midrash says that this was not the case at all. Eisav did not kiss his brother, but bit his neck. A miracle occurred and Yakov’s neck turned to stone.

So instead of identifying the crying of Eisav, as a sign of emotion, it may have been crying because of biting hard into stone!

What is most fascinating, is that the Baal Haturim proves the validity of the Midrash by way of Gematria. He found that the numerical value of וישקהו, “and he kissed him,” to be equal to the words, ולנשכו בא, “that he came to bite him.”

He also noted that the numerical value of the word, שיניו, “his teeth,” is equal to the name עשו, Eisav.

Now the Midrash does not seem so far fetched, thanks to the brilliant wisdom of the Baal Haturim.

Small Packages

The commentators ask how Yakov Avinu was left alone and unprotected, that made him vulnerable to the attack of the angel that wrestled with him.

Rashi tells us that he went back across the Yabok River to retrieve some small packages.

The Talmud in Masechet Chullin elaborates by telling us that Yakov had already taken care of his family and the large packages, and the rest of their possessions. He had only left the small, more inexpensive packages.

The Gemara is giving an important lesson, especially for those considered to be the scholars and spiritual leaders. Yakov would never consider taking anything that didn’t belong to him. He certainly would not steal.

One of the greatest desecrations of Hashem’s name, is when the so called righteous are not honest in money matters. Allowing themselves to be involved in shady businesses, or the misuse of public funds, is absolutely inexcusable behavior.

The argument that I have heard too many times over the years is that, “I may not be very observant, but, at least, I’m honest.” This reasoning is definitely flawed, but the fact that it is even brought up, shows that where there is smoke, there is fire.

The Orchot Tzaddikim in the name of the Rambam, emphasize the higher standard that a learned person should have. Not only must he be honest in money matters, but he should go beyond the letter of the law, to make sure he is never suspected of acting improperly.

Yakov Avinu demonstrated this by going back to retrieve his small packages. Straightness and honesty in money matters, must always be emphasized.

Losing Merits

There is a classic question asked of Yakov Avinu. Why does the Torah tell us that he was struck with intense fear. After all, he had already received a promise from Hashem, that he would be protected in all that he did. Was Yakov doubting this Divine promise.

The classic answer to this question is that he was afraid שמא יגרום החטא, that perhaps he has sinned during his twenty years with Lavan, and perhaps that canceled out the blessing.

There is a precedent for such fear, as Rashi points out in Masechet Brachot, that the return of Ezra in rebuilding the Second Temple, did not have the same glory as in the days of Joshua, when he brought the Egyptian exiles into the land. Ezra was under Persian rule that was caused by the sins of the Jewish people.

The Maharsha makes an interesting clarification. There is such a concept that when one is saved miraculously, he uses up some of his merits. These are the merits that determine if one is worthy of the ultimate blessing when he leaves this world. Yakov had no problem giving up some of his merits to defeat Eisav.

The point of the Maharsha was that Yakov didn’t care about that. His only concern was whether he had acted improperly in the eyes of G-d, and this would cause a loss of his protection.

This is a good lesson for all of us. We should always be on guard to continue acting in a way that is pleasing to G-d. This will be our guarantee that we will always have protection from above.

Ultimate Protection

Yakov Avinu gave a total of 550 different animals to his brother, Eisav. This corresponds to the 550 animals offered in the course of the year, for the Mussaf sacrifice.

The gift included goats and camels, as well as bulls and cows. And there were also rams, male and female, as part of the effort to placate his brother.

What is strange about the Torah’s accounting of this peace offering, are the words spoken directly to Eisav.

Yakov makes a point of telling his servants to tell his brother that he lived with Lavan, and kept the Mitzvot. And he possessed שור וחמור, oxen and donkeys, as well as other assets. The question of the commentators is why did he specifically mention the שור וחמור, when he ultimately gave him many other animals.

The answer is found in the Talmud in Baba Kama, that explains that Yakov was speaking in code to Eisav. The donkeys was a reference to the tribe of Yissaschar, and the oxen referred to Yosef.

These two brothers represented the ultimate strength of Israel. Yosef was the one who gave physical sustenance to the Jewish people. Yissachar was the brother who devoted his life to Torah. So, in essence, Yakov was telling Eisav that he has the ultimate protection, and he could not harm him. Israel is under Hashem’s eternal protection, as hinted to, by his possession of the שור, Yosef, and the חמור, Yissaschar.

Confrontation Verses Diplomacy

There is some debate concerning Yakov Avinu’s approach in his dealing with Eisav. Many commentators felt that it wasn’t right the manner in which Yakov humbled himself before his brother.

He referred to Eisav as אדוני, my master, numerous times. There are opinions that there were even subtle punishments to Yakov for this approach. A righteous Jew should not lower himself before an evil person like Eisav.

It is interesting to note that Yakov’s descendant, Mordechai, had a completely different approach in dealing with Eisav’s descendant, Haman. Mordechai would not bow to this Jew hater, and certainly, showed him no respect.

Both approaches have their detractors. Even when Mordechai emerged as the hero of the Purim story, his strategy in dealing with Haman, was questioned.

The last verse of the Megilla says that he was appreciated by, “most of his brothers.” The Talmud in Masechet Megilla explained that there were still many Jews who felt that Mordechai was wrong in his confrontational approach. He should have chosen Yakov Avinu’s style of diplomacy, even at the price of being humiliated.

The Orchot Tzaddikim speaks of the importance of humility and the dangers of arrogance. His opinion is that the exception to this rule, is how we deal with evil. We are temporarily permitted to throw our humility aside, and fight evil head on, even though we may look arrogant in the process.

This debate of confrontation verses diplomacy still exists today and how we deal with our enemies. It seems to me that after two thousand years of exile, it is time that we hold our heads high. We must do what we must for our survival, without apologies to anyone!

Making Vows

There is some question concerning Yakov Avinu’s prayer to Hashem, before leaving Israel to find a wife. He chose to make a נדר, or a vow.

We learn from the Book of Kohelet that it is better not to make a vow, rather than to vow, and not fulfill it. One of the most sacred prayers of Yom Kippur is Kol Nidrei. We begin the holiest day of the year, with an attempt to clean the slate. We cannot ask for atonement knowing that we have made vows that we did not fulfill.

Apparently, the exception to the rule against making vows, is עת צרה, during times of trouble. Turning to Hashem at that time, with a resolve to take on a certain commitment, is acceptable. Yakov promised to give Maa’ser, a tenth of his income to Hashem if he would be given “bread to eat, and clothing to wear.”

There is also a book written as to how to conquer anger. The book is called, ארך אפים.” The book recommends that making a vow to overcome this negative character trait, is acceptable.

We see that we must always be careful to guard what comes out of our mouths. But we must be extremely careful not to make vows, or promises that we don’t keep. Only in very exceptional situations, is one able to make vows.

Blindness

The dialogue between Yakov Avinu and Lavan, is quite shocking. Lavan admits that Yakov’s G-d appeared to him in a dream. Had he not been told to leave him alone, he could have caused him great harm.

It is amazing that despite Lavan being shown, that Yakov’s G-d exists and is true, it does not change him from being the evil person he was. This only proves that when people are set in their ways and beliefs, even a revelation by Hashem, Himself, will not change them.

Years ago, Rav Meir Kahane would begin his speeches, with the following. “Anyone who has witnessed the events beginning in 1948, and does not see the Hand of G-d, is not a scoffer, he is not a non-believer. He is blind.”

We must learn from this incident of Lavan and Yakov, to be open to let in truth. We are living in incredible times. The rebirth of the Jewish nation has taken place right before our eyes. A country that did not exist before 1948, exerts great influence on the world. We see an ingathering of Jews from all over the world. We see more Torah study than that which existed two thousand years ago. And we see numerous prophecies fulfilled.

We must not be blind as Lavan was. He was shown the truth of G-d, and it did not change him. We, who are privileged to see G-d’s hand daily, must be awakened to appreciate the gift of the State of Israel. We should all live here, and do everything in our power, to strengthen this precious gift.

Time to Go Home

Harav Avigdor Burstein of Rananim Synagogue made an interesting and original observation about Yakov Avinu.

He referred to the incident where Yakov gathers his wives and tells them it’s time to return to Israel. He explained that an angel appeared to him in a dream, and gave him instructions as to be certain that all of the cattle born, will be striped and spotted. He wanted them to know that it was Divinely directed that he be paid what he deserved.

Rabbi Burstein added that this latter dream, made Yakov do a little self reflection.

He realized that twenty years ago, he was dreaming of ladders with angels ascending and descending. And now, twenty years later, he’s dreaming about sheep!

He saw this as a clear sign that his level of spirituality had declined significantly. This was the signal he needed to let him know that he better get back to Eretz Yisrael, as soon as possible. He did not want to be lowered into the world of materialism.

This is an important lesson that we must take, regarding our own self awareness. It is a good idea to regularly check that we are moving in the right direction spiritually. If there is a decline, we must act on it immediately. Obviously, the best solution is to live in Israel among holy, Torah Jews. That will definitely get us back on track, in our quest to serve Hashem faithfully.

Rachel’s Loyalty

The marriage of Yakov to Leah and Rachel, has a point that is not given enough emphasis. This is the behavior of Rachel towards Leah, and how this was a great act of compassion.

Rashi tells us that Yakov and Rachel were fully aware that Lavan was very devious, and he might try something to sabotage their marriage. They were even ready in case Lavan would switch Leah for Rachel, at the last minute. Rachel gave Yakov certain signs, that would prove it was her, and not her sister.

When the wedding day came, there was a last minute change of plans. Rachel realized that if she exposed her father’s deceit, the victim would be Leah.

If Leah didn’t go ahead with the marriage, she would have suffered great shame and embarrassment. She would not go down in history as one of our Matriarchs, and she could have gotten stuck marrying Eisav.

As much as Rachel desperately wanted to marry Yakov, she could not destroy her sister. Rav Elazar Abuchatzeira often pointed to this story, to remind us that if we are ever in a situation where we can cause great harm to another Jew, we must not do so. And this applies even when we were wronged by that person.

If, for example, we were forced to sue someone in court for cheating us. If we are in the right and we win the case, but the other party cannot pay, and will lose everything, we cannot destroy him. We will not see any blessing from any of the funds he is forced to pay back.

Rachel taught us the true meaning of compassion. It is an extremely valuable lesson for us, and how we are to treat others.

Stay Away from Evil

There is an interesting commentary from the Baal Haturim, that shows how a great deal can be learned from every detail of the Torah.

When Yakov arrives in Charan to seek a wife, he meets some of the locals near a problematic well. He asks them if they know Lavan, son of Nachor. They answer that indeed, they do know him. He then asks, השלום לו, “Is there peace with him?” They answer only with the word, “Shalom.” The Baal Haturim claims that they were actually what kind of person Lavan was. Is he honest and righteous? Their answer of שלום without שלום לו, was a hint that he is none of those things, and we really don’t care for him very much. It was a subtle warning to watch out for that guy.

Another point of the Baal Haturim is that there is no real peace for the wicked. They might live a life where they acquire material gains. But their lies and deceptions, do not give them happiness, and peace of mind.

Crime really does not pay. There might be short term gains in taking advantage of people. But in the end, the Lavans still have to live with themselves. Deep down, they know who they really are. This does not bring them joy.

Clearly, when one always tries to do the right thing, and never wavers in his faith and principles, he will have happiness and peace of mind. Truth always wins in the end.

Yakov’s Challenges

This week, the focus of the Torah shifts to Yakov Avinu. We learn of the struggles that he went through in his life.

When Rivka convinced Yakov to dress up as Eisav, she said, עלי יהיו כלנה, that basically meant that the responsibility for what he did was on her. The Rabbis noted that the word, “עלי,” is an abbreviation of עשו, לבן, and יוסף. These three individuals presented Yakov, with the greatest challenges of his life. He needed to outsmart his brother, Eisav, and his father in-law, Lavan. His separation from his beloved son, Yosef, for twenty-two years, caused him tremendous grief.

The Kuzari tells us that Yakov was the first person after creation, twenty-three generations later, who had completely righteous offspring. They were worthy to become the foundation of the Jewish nation.

Yakov needed to develop the tools to deal with the wicked, and still maintain his integrity. He knew that leaving Israel would give him less protection, as he was no longer surrounded by the holiness of the Holy Land. This is why he took a fourteen year detour to study in the Yeshiva of Shem, to strengthen himself.

When he had the dream of the ladder, with the angels ascending and descending, he was shown the future. He saw the long exile they would face, and how they constantly needed to overcome enemies wishing to destroy us.

We must armor ourselves with the protection needed to deal with our own challenges. Unfortunately, there is still evil in the world, that must be defeated. With the resolve and faith of Yakov Avinu, as our guide, we can overcome all obstacles, and maintain our integrity, in our service to the Al-mighty.

Yitzchak’s Prophecy

Yitzchak Avinu had a major confrontation with Avimelech, regarding the wells that he dug. The Plishtim kept filling up his wells until Yitzchak rebuked Avimelech, and they ultimately made peace.

There were conflicts regarding the first and second well, but not the third. The Ramban said that this was a hint to the first and second Temples that would be built and destroyed. The third Temple would last forever.

It is interesting to note Yitzchak’s words when matters were settled. He called the third well, “Rechovot.” He said that now Hashem has made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the Land.

This is a prophetic statement, for it implies that when Jews are living in Israel, their population will increase.

There is a little known Midrash related to Chanukah, that tells an incredible story. Among the decrees of the Greeks against the Jews, was that they did not allow Jewish women to go to the Mikva. They did not want the Jewish population to increase. A miracle occurred where every home had a Mikva appear in it. Yitzchak’s prophecy of being fruitful in the land, was coming true.

We fail to sometimes recognize and appreciate the miraculous times, that we are witnessing. The Jewish population in Israel was 600,000 in 1948, and today it is approaching seven million. This is further proof of Yitzchak’s prophecy, and an indication of how G-d is showering us with His blessings. We only need to open our eyes to appreciate it.

Stay Away from Evil

There are various explanations as to why Yitzchak became blind in his old age. The best known reason is that when he was bound on the altar by his father, the angels cried. Their tears went into his eyes, and eventually caused blindness.

There is also the possibility that Yitzchak was blinded by Eisav’s idol worship. As part of his worship, there was a great deal of smoke, that filled Yitzchak’s tent, from the incense burned. This caused loss of vision.

The Torah warns against taking bribes. Yitzchak was bribed by Eisav’s fake piety. The bribe is capable of “blinding the eyes of the righteous.”

The final explanation comes from the Talmud in Megilla 28a. There is a warning not to look at the image of an evil person. If one repeatedly looks evil in the face, it could cause loss of vision. Not only are we to distance ourselves from evil, we should also not even look directly at evil.

If our great Patriarch, Yitzchak, could be so negatively affected by his association with evil, we certainly need to take great care to separate and insulate ourselves.

Knowing the Torah Intuitively

The Gemara in Yoma tells us that Avraham Avinu knew the entire Torah intuitively. As usual, the Baal Haturim finds a Gematria regarding Avraham that come to, “אף עירוב תבשילים.”

This indicates that he even knew rabbinic law involving cooking from Yom Tov to Shabbat. The simple explanation is that Avraham was on such a high spiritual level, that he knew the Mitzvot his children would observe.

On a certain level, some of the events of our calendar, make sense. It is reasonable that we should have a day of rest each week. This is needed to give us perspective and realize that there is more to life than the physical.

It also makes sense that there be a holiday at the end of a long winter, for cleanliness. A physical house cleaning, combined with cleaning out negative personality traits, seems to make sense.

At the onset of summer, a holiday that renews the special bond between Jews and G-d, is definitely needed. This would be meant to give strength, to avoid temptation.

A holiday in the fall focused on asking for forgiveness, is necessary in case summer was too challenging. A follow up holiday, after a very prosperous harvest, is essential as a reminder, that life is fleeting. Moving into a temporary hut, might drive home this message.

Certainly, Avraham Avinu had his intuitive methods to figure things out. But if we look at where our holidays are placed in our annual calendar, they do make a lot of sense. How fortunate are we to be descendants of our Father Abraham.

Manipulative Love

The Baal Haturim points out that Lavan is known as לבן הארמי, simply translated as Lavan the Aramean. But if we take the word ארמי, and change around its letters, we get the word רמאי, meaning, cheater.

There is a great deal to be learned about a scoundrel like Lavan. It is no coincidence that לבן, means white. This would imply someone who is honest, sincere, and clean. Lavan was none of these.

Elsewhere in the Torah, we praise Balak, King of Moav. Although he wished to destroy the Jews, he did not cover up his intentions, and where he stood. Even though he was truthful in a negative way, he was still truthful.

Lavan, on the other hand, concealed his real feelings, and pretended to care. He wanted his family to believe that he was a loving father and grandfather.

It was only after Hashem’s intervention, that he backed off, and went his separate way. He later admitted that he wanted to kill Yakov.

Rivka had grown up in a house of lies and deception. She could not easily be fooled. This is why she was on to Eisav’s fake piety. Yitzchak was more gullible, as it was hard for him to believe that this kind of evil could exist.

It is very troubling to see parents manipulate their children, by claiming that they are only making their requests because they “love” their child. The innocent child assumes that the parents are telling the truth, and if they are loved, they should follow what they are told.

Obviously, there are good, sincere, and loving parents. But, too often, there are also families that use the “love” ticket to give bad advice and really harm their own children.

The Lavan episode, serves as a warning to us, to look at a person’s actions, and not his words, to see if he genuinely cares, and wants what is best for you. The worst scenario is when this so called, love, leads to a damaging and controlling relationship. Such a manipulative relationship, far more resembles Lavan, than one of true love.

Two Views of Yitzchak and Eisav

There are two very contrasting opinions as to the behavior of Yitzchak towards Eisav.

One opinion believes that Yitzchak was completely fooled by Eisav’s pretending to be righteous. He allegedly asked his father detailed questions about Tithing salt. Yitzchak was actually bribed by his son’s flattery.

And this was the reason why he lost his vision in his old age. The Torah warns that a bribe can blind the eyes of the wise.

Rav Shlomo Mann gives an opposite explanation. He points out that Yitzchak became suspicious that he was being fooled by Yakov, when Yakov said that he brought him food quickly, because he was helped by Hashem. Eisav didn’t speak that way, where he would mention Hashem in his conversation. Immediately, Yitzchak asks to feel Yakov’s arms, because of this suspicion.

Rav Mann felt that Yitzchak knew exactly who Eisav was. But he hoped that if he encouraged him, even though he was not sincere, maybe something would sink in. The proof that his strategy worked was that Eisav respected his father to the extent that he said he would wait until his father died, before killing his brother. It’s always good to give the benefit of the doubt. This is an interesting demonstration showing how the same incident can be seen very differently.

Yakov and Eisav

Rivka’s pregnancy was very difficult with great turmoil. There is even a Midrash that says that she was advised to terminate the pregnancy. There was a certain potion they took, that caused the fetuses to abort.

The Baal Haturim noted that the Gematria of the words, שני גיים, two nations, was equal to the names Antonines and Rabbi Yehuda, who descended from her.

The Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, was a descendant of Eisav, and Rabbi Yehuda Hanassi, the editor of the Mishna, descended from Yakov Avinu.

The Gemara in Avoda Zara describes the remarkable friendship between these two great leaders. They even constructed a tunnel between their two homes, and met on a regular basis.

Antoninus had great admiration for Rabbi Yehuda Hanassi. He often sought his advice on major decisions he needed to make as emperor.

We are also told that Antoninus would get down on all fours so that the saintly rabbi could step on his back, to help him get into bed. He was assured by the rabbi that despite his being a descendant of Eisav, he would still merit Olam Haba.

It is amazing that there are a number of instances where our enemies, become our admirers, or even convert. One such example is the well known convert, Onkelos. His translation of the Torah to Aramaic, is still studied today. What many do not know, is that Onkelos was the nephew of the evil, Titus, who destroyed the Second Temple. There are numerous references among the prophets that speak of the time when all of the nations of the world, will embrace the Jewish people. They will regret how the Jews were treated throughout the generations.

Although there were always the Eisavs that wished to destroy us, but there were also those that respected us. Hopefully, we are quickly approaching the day when the whole world will recognize the truth and beauty of Judaism and the Jewish people.

Why Do We Pray

The Talmud in מסכת ברכות explains the reason why formal prayers were established. We pray three times a day during the week, and a fourth prayer, Mussaf, is added on Shabbat and holidays.

There are actually two reasons given, that overlap one another. The first is that the daily prayers were ordained by the Patriarchs.

The Torah hints that Avraham invented the morning prayer, Shacharit. When Yitzchak meditated in the field towards evening, Mincha was created. And before Yakov rested in the evening, he prayed the Ma’ariv or Arvit prayer.

The second reason in the Gemara for prayer, is that it takes the place of the sacrifices. Since we no longer have a Temple, we must regularly reach out to Hashem, in a formal manner. The Shacharit and Mincha services, correspond to the קרבן תמיד, the permanent sacrifice offered every morning and evening. There was an additional sacrifice, called, “Mussaf,” offered on Shabbat and holidays.

The overlapping of these two explanations is that there was no sacrifice at night. By the same token, there was no Patriarch that established Mussaf. Therefore, both explanations are needed.

The text of all these prayers were formulated by the Men of the Great Assembly, between the first and second Temple. Many of the members of these 120 scholars, were prophets, implying the great depth to the words we pray. It is our prayer that the 120 members of the new incoming Knesset, be granted similar Divine inspiration.

Why Marriages Fail

The Baal Haturim tells us that when Rivka came into Yitzchak’s tent as his wife, he loved her. This was true love as it was not based on anything physical or material. It was a deep, lasting love.

Rabbi Avraham Twerski, who was also a psychiatrist once wrote why marriages fail. He said that the main reason is that the marriage starts out badly from the start.

It is based on, “She says that he has something that I really want, and he says that she has something that he really wants.” When that something is no longer relevant, the marriage falls apart.

The example of Yitzchak and Rivka is that they shared common spiritual goals. These goals never get old, and they establish a partnership that lasts a lifetime. The physical and material are fleeting. They can easily become stale with time.

And certainly, a common lofty goal, is the joint effort in raising children in the path of the Torah. When couples work diligently towards this goal, it helps solidify their bond as well.

Again, the Torah in its own subtle way, gives us lessons that are very valuable. This is the purpose of the Book of Bereishit. We are to learn from the examples of the Matriarchs and Patriarchs.

Finding a Mate

When Eliezer goes out to seek a wife for Yitzchak, he comes up with a condition that will show the worthiness, of the bride to be. She must immediately show signs of Chessed and kindness.

She will do this by offering water to him and his camels. This will show that she is not selfish, but thinks of others.

It is important to note that the Torah is teaching us that this is the most important character trait to look for in a mate. If they do not see that giving selflessly to others is a priority, there could be problems later on.

I always told my students to look for certain specific positive traits when looking to marry. All of them, are deal breakers if these traits are lacking.

First, they must be individuals who understand that they must be constantly working on themselves to become better. As a couple, this task becomes much easier.

Second, they must demonstrate a love for the study of Torah. Such study, must become the foundation of the home.

The third point is to look out for a jealous nature. When one has jealousy in his heart, he will never be happy, and it will be very difficult for a spouse to ever please them.

And the final point is to watch out for feelings of entitlement. When someone feels, everything is coming to them, they will not know how to show appreciation for one’s generosity. It’s difficult for a marriage to work, if one side never feels appreciated.

Eliezer began our lesson as to what to look for in a spouse. I added some of my own points based on the Torah and my own experience in counseling numerous couples. It would be a good idea to learn these lessons well.