Verbal Abuse

In פרשת משפטים, we have two laws related to treatment of parents. There is the commandment against striking one’s parents, and drawing blood. And there is also the commandment prohibiting us from cursing our parents. There is a death penalty attached to both offenses.

We see from here how damaging words can be. We do not fully realize that verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse. The physical wounds heal much more easily than the wounds inflicted with our mouths.

Rav Shimshon Refael Hirsch once responded to one attempting to justify his verbal tirade. That individual claimed that his harsh words were only meant to defend himself against the mean comments of the other side. Rav Hirsch said, “Instead of protecting yourself, you have thoroughly destroyed the other side.”

Verbal abuse in marriage or in parenting, can have devastating effects. Words are capable of removing a person’s self esteem and self worth. They are like daggers that inflict wounds that are difficult to ever fully recover.

The Torah is teaching us this lesson regarding our treatment of our parents. Perhaps this is because honoring and caring for our parents, presents serious challenges. Despite things that our parents might say to us, they get a pass. Our obligation to respect them, continues in life, and beyond the grave.