Why People Age

The Gemara in Baba Metzia tells how Yakov Avinu asked to become weaker in order to prepare his family for his death. Until Yakov, people did not really get sick before they passed away.

Yakov understood how difficult it would be to have to say good-by to his loved ones. He wanted to lighten the blow, so that his family would be prepared for the inevitable.

Rav Avigdor Miller wrote that the aging process existed for this purpose. It is a much slower progression where we see grey hairs appear, the need for reading glasses, muscle pulls, etc. All of this, is to remind ourselves and our families, that our stay on earth is not forever.

Aside from being a preparation for our ultimate demise, it should also serve as a wake up call. We must appreciate how precious time really is. It is our responsibility to use our time wisely and productively. It is a sin to waste time.

There is so much that we all have to give, once this becomes a priority. We certainly gain great satisfaction through the study of Torah. When this study translates into action and good deeds, it is a sign that we are making the most of life.

Yakov Avinu was not only concerned that his parting should not be too difficult. He also wanted to make use of every breath we have, during our stay on earth.

Why the Brothers Suspected Revenge

The Midrash often sheds light to the narrative in the Torah, that clarifies a certain behavior. An example of this, was the behavior of the brothers, after Yakov’s burial.

The Midrash tells us that Yosef took a detour after the funeral was completed in Hebron. He went back to the pit that his brothers mercilessly, had thrown him inside.

He stopped to say the blessing for one who had witnessed a miracle in that place. He was giving gratitude to G-d for having been saved from the snakes and scorpions.

Thanks to the Midrash, it now made sense why the brothers suspected that Yosef would now get his revenge, for what they did to him.

Yosef, of course, reassured them that he did not intend to act in place of Hashem. They were able to mend their relationship, and their remorse was accepted, and they lived harmoniously. They did not become slaves, until the last of the brothers, Levi, had passed away.

The Midrash clearly shed light on this story, that helped make it much more understandable.

Fatherly Advice

The final Parsha of the Book of Bereishit is called, סתומה, or sealed. It is the only place in the entire where one Torah portion for one week, does not have a separation in the Torah scroll.

The explanation for this is that Yakov Avinu wanted to reveal many things to his children before his death, but it was sealed for him. He was not permitted to tell some of the things that he intended to tell. Most notably, he was going to describe the Messianic period, but could not.

There is a message to be learned here for parents. We try very hard to protect our children so that their lives will be easier than ours. We want them to learn from our mistakes, and we hope that they will surpass whatever we have achieved in this world.

But there are some things that we do not reveal. These are the lessons that they must learn for themselves. It might be that even if we try to tell them things, they won’t listen, anyways. Or, they want to go with their own instincts, for good or for bad.

The Rabbis tell us that just as we have a responsibility to say that which will be heard, we also have a responsibility not to say, what will not be heard.

Yakov may not have been able to disclose the “end of days.” But he did manage to give some serious rebuke to his sons before his death.

We must pray for the wisdom to know how to reach our children. We must never stop showing them that there is a correct path to take in life. And with a combination of love and rebuke, we will follow the example of Yakov Avinu.

Secret to Longevity

It was very clear that Pharoah was very impressed when he met Yakov Avinu. It was well known that Egypt was blessed with the presence of a holy man like Yakov.

Our commentators felt that Yakov made a serious error in the way he answered Pharoah in describing his life. He was only asked his age. But instead, he apparently complained about his difficult life.

Yakov said that his years were מעט ורעים, “few and bad.” He should never have become bitter and negative, despite all of the difficulties he went through in his life. He lived significantly less years than his father and grandfather. (Yakov lived 147 years, Yitzchak 180 years, and Avraham 175 years.)

We are never supposed to feel sorry for ourselves because of the challenges placed before us. We are to embrace these challenges and accept that they are meant to shape and strengthen us.

I have been privileged to know a number of relatives who have reached their mid-nineties, and are still going strong. What they have in common is a very positive outlook towards life. They are upbeat, positive people, that have learned to see the good in every situation.

Perhaps there is a connection with Yakov Avinu. His life was shortened because of his bitterness. While others seem to be blessed with longevity, for being positive and appreciating every breath of life.

Galut is a Curse

After all of the excitement of the arrival of Yosef’s family, it was determined that they would live in the land of Goshen. There is a Midrash that says that this was actually a gift from Pharoah to Sara after learning she was actually married to Avraham.

The Torah tells us that when they moved to Goshen, they “took hold of it,” as a possession. The commentators explained that they even tried to increase their territory. They mistakenly believed that life in the land of Goshen was good. It was their intention to make it their permanent home.

They failed to understand that the presence of Jews outside of Israel, is temporary. We are guests of the country that allows us to live there.

The lesson of history has been that every place that Jews lived in the Exile, was temporary. It always ended either in assimilation, expulsions, or annihilation. It never bodes well for Jews when they get too comfortable in a specific place. They are failing to understand the lesson of history.

The “Exile,” or Galut, is a curse. The intention of the Torah was for all Jews to live in Israel. If they did not live according to the Torah, they were banished from the land.

The situation in Egypt was no different. It started out as a comfortable situation, but ended with horrible bondage. It would be wise for us to learn these lessons of history.

Caring Deeply for Others

When Yosef was reunited with his brothers, his embracing Binyamin, was particularly moving. The Torah describes this reunion by telling us that

Yosef fell on the shoulder of Binyamin, and Binyamin wept on the shoulder of Yosef.

Rashi tells us that each brother saw into the future that a Temple would be built in their territory, and later would be destroyed. Yosef’s territory had the Mishkan in Shilo for 369 years, and Binyamin’s territory houses the two Temples.

According to the מעינה של תורה, this was an indication of the deep love between the brothers. They cared more about the other’s loss more than their own.

They understood that Jews would suffer because of causeless hatred in the future. They wanted to combat this with אהבת חינם, unconditional love.

We need to be much more in tune with what others are feeling. Caring deeply for others, goes a very long way.

Liars Lose Credibility

It is interesting to note that when the brothers originally came with the news that Yosef was alive, Yakov did not believe them. It was only after showing real proof, did Yakov celebrate the good news.

It may not have seemed so significant to let us know that at first they were not believed. The Rabbis pointed out an important lesson here. This is the punishment of a liar; even when he is telling the truth, he is not believed. The implication here is that the brothers had lost their credibility with their father, based on their past behavior.

We are confronted with many liars in our every day life. When we feel that we have been lied to many times, we lose our trust in that individual. It is particularly troubling if we lose such trust in our spouse or our children. And we certainly must be careful that we, ourselves, are not loose with the truth.

It is a very heavy price to pay when we are not trusted at our word. We become outcasts to our peers and have difficulty functioning. We must work very hard to regain our credibility and trustworthiness.

The Rabbis emphasize over and over again that there is a connection between Shalom, peace, and Emet, truth. One cannot attain a sense of peacefulness when he lives with lies. Yosef’s brothers learned this lesson, and so must we.

Rabbi Eliezer Cried

The Gemara in Chagiga, tells how Rabbi Eliezer reacted upon reading of Yosef’s revealing himself to his brothers.

When he reached the verse that said that the brothers were dumbfounded, and could not speak, he cried. He said that if the brothers could not answer Yosef, who was a man of flesh and blood, how will we answer Hashem on the day of reckoning.

Rabbi Eliezer realized the extent of what the Day of Judgement, will mean for every human being. Everything is written down in Heaven, and ultimately, there will be true justice. We will be rewarded for our good deeds, and especially those deeds that took the most effort on our part. And we will need to answer for our indiscretions and misdeeds.

It is ironic that a holy rabbi like Rabbi Eliezer, realized this truth. He probably did not have to worry about whether or not he would pass the test. And the ones who really need to wake up and live a more pious life, are oblivious to this reality.

There is a Pasuk in Parshat Kedoshim that says, מפני שיבה תקום. The simple translation is that we are to rise for the elderly and show them respect. It was suggested that the wording should have been, לפני שיבה תקום. This would mean that before we become old, we should wake up.

The process of self awareness and working on self improvement, must begin now. We study the stories of the Torah because of the profound lessons they teach us. This lesson may be one of the biggest of all.

An Emotional Custom

Parshat Vayigash is one of the most emotional Parshiot in the Torah. It discusses the reunion between Yakov and Yosef, after being separated for twenty-two years.

Yakov was hesitant, at first, to leave Eretz Yisrael again. He knew that Egypt was a very decadent place, and was afraid of the negative influences there.

He needed Hashem’s assurance that he would not be stuck there, and that his descendants would come back to Israel in the future.

Yakov does receive these assurances from G-d. He tells Yakov that he will go down with him, and protect him.

He even tells Yakov that Yosef will place his hands on Yakov’s eyes. In essence, he was being told that Yosef would outlive him.

The Torah is making a subtle reference to the custom in Israel, that the offspring of the deceased place their hands on the eyes of their parent. They place sand on the eyes as well, and recite the verse that man is from the earth, and shall return to the earth.

This is meant to be an acceptance of the will of G-d, by taking a loved one from us.

In Yakov’s case, it was a reassuring promise that his Egyptian experience would be positive. And, indeed, the last seventeen years of his life, were the happiest years of his life.

Bad Labeling

The Baal Haturim has a different explanation in connection with the first meeting between Yosef and his brothers.

The traditional explanation as to why the brothers did not recognize Yosef, was that he now had a full beard. When they last saw him, he was a seventeen year old with only a stubble on his face. Now he was a grown man of thirty, and he did not look anything similar to the brother that they remembered.

The Baal Haturim questions this interpretation. He felt that the real reason that Yosef was not recognized, is that they never believed it was possible that their brother could have risen to such a position of prominence.

The Midrash tells us that they did search for Yosef around Egypt. But they looked for him in places of the lower class, hoping they might find him there.

It is not realistic that they would not have noticed some kind of familiar family trait in Yosef, had they really looked. They clearly negated any possibility that this could really be Yosef.

It is not uncommon for families to label a sibling or family member in a certain way. When that individual surpasses these expectations, they are in a state of shock. We must always see the good and potential in everyone. G-d has His plans, and we never know who might be blessed with wealth and success. And we are often surprised when an apparently apathetic student, eventually blossoms to become a great scholar.

Yosef’s brothers certainly placed a negative label on their brother. They learned the hard way, that they should never negate one’s potential. Had they been able to do so, they would have realized that the great Egyptian leader intimidating him, was really their brother!

Don’t Flaunt Wealth

Rashi quotes a Gemara in Masechet Taanit, that gives an important warning for Jews for generations to come. He is referring to a conversation between Yakov and his sons.

When the famine had reached the Land of Canaan, Yakov tells his sons not to be afraid. Rashi’s explanation was that despite the fact that the sons of Eisav and Yishmael, had run out of food, they had not. They still had not used up their food.

Yakov’s warning for generations was that they must not show off this fact, that they had more possessions than the other Canaanite families. Jews must never show off their wealth to arouse the jealousy of the Gentiles.

If they are blessed with wealth, they should still try to live humbly. There is already a certain amount of friction between Jews and non-Jews, and we must not create bad feelings.

How often have we heard the anti-semites accuse the Jews of “having all of the money?” We do believe that there will come a time when the nations of the world will show remorse for their treatment of Jews over the centuries. And in many respects, Israel has gained much admiration and respect in the eyes of the nations.

But until that time comes, we must heed our Father Yakov’s warning, and lie low and not show off. Humility is always the best path to take.

Purim and Chanukah

In the Jewish calendar, Chanukah and Purim are two holidays that were ordained by the Rabbis. They were seen as significant, miraculous events, worthy of commemoration.

In modern times, two new holidays were added to the calendar. Yom Ha’atzmaut, Israel Independence Day, is celebrated on the fifth of Iyar, commemorating the establishment of the State of Israel. And Yom Yerushalayim on the twenty-eighth of Iyar, is a festive day acknowledging the liberation of Jerusalem in 1967.

It is interesting that Parshat Miketz always falls on Chanukah. This year, I noticed four similarities in the Parsha that are connected with Purim.

The first is that Yosef suggests sending out פקידים, or, appointed messengers, to gather grain during the years of plenty. In the Megillah, Achashveirosh is advised to send out פקידים, to gather the most beautiful women in the land, to choose a queen.

Both Pharoah and Achashveirosh removed their ring, as they appointed Joseph and Haman, to be the second to the king.

The third connection is the similar language used by Yakov and Esther, when they needed to make a difficult decision. In Yakov’s case, he said, כאשר שכולתי שכחתי, “If I am to be bereaved, I will be bereaved.” Esther’s words were, וכאשר אבדתי אבדתי, “If I perish, I perish.”

And the fourth similarity is the use of the word, ויתאפק, “and he restrained himself.” This word is only found twice in all of Tanach. In Yosef’s case, he restrained himself from crying, after seeing his younger brother, Binyamin. In Haman’s case, he restrained himself when he saw that the defiant Mordechai, would not bow to him.

It is so interesting to unlock these so called coincidences in the Torah. Parshat Miketz was read long before the Purim and Chanukah miracles occurred. And yet, we can clearly see that this was part of a Divine plan.

Divine Supervision

The Talmud in Megillah 13b points out how it was actually a Divine plan to have Pharoah get angry at his servants, the baker and the butler. He did this for the sake of the Tzaddik, Yosef, because it was time to get him released from prison.

As Jews, we are commanded to believe in the concept of השגחה פרטית, or personal supervision. We are to recognize how our lives are guided by G-d, and everything happens for a reason.

We are also taught that we are the ones that set things in motion. The Rabbis tells us that the path that a person chooses to take, is where he will be lead from Above. If he decides on a path of righteousness, he will come in contact with good, positive people, who will help him reach his goal. If he selects a path of evil or self indulgence, he will also be lead in this direction.

We definitely have free will to choose how we will live our lives. But this free will is a little overrated. There are so many instances, where things happen for the good or bad, because we happen to be at a specific place at the right or wrong time.

How many of us could easily not have met our spouse, had we chosen some kind of alternate plan, that would have prevented us, from meeting our intended.

The passage that we recite thrice daily in the Amida, should have particular significance on Chanukah. We thank Hashem for “the miracles that are with us each day.” We give praise for the big and little miracles, as well as the so called, daily “coincidences.”

We only need to look at Yosef Hatzaddik to realize that had Pharoah not become angry with his servants, he may have been in prison for life. Jewish history would have come out much different, had this not happened. This is השגחה פרטית.

True Remorse

There is a very powerful Pasuk that speaks of the remorse of the brothers, in how they treated Yosef. They expressed this after they were accused by Yosef of being spies.

The brothers spoke to one another and said, “But we are all guilty because of our brother. We saw his afflicted soul, when he begged us, and we did not hear. This is why all of these troubles have befallen us.”

The Midrash goes into greater detail as to how Yosef, a seventeen year old cried profusely and pleaded for mercy from his brothers. They callously threw him into a pit, and eventually sold him.

When one wishes to do Teshuva, repentance, his חרטה, or regret, is essential towards getting back on the right path. It may be relatively easy to say, “I’m sorry.” It is more difficult to add the words, “I was wrong.” But it is most difficult to get to the level of real remorse, where we feel great shame.

How was it possible that I could have rebelled against Hashem, Who gives me life?How could I have hurt someone that I love by being so insensitive? How could I have shamed someone by not considering the anguish I am causing.

Getting to the point of true חרטה, requires hard work. It also requires humility on our part, to admit that we messed up. The brothers of Yosef got a wake up call, to make them realize that their self righteousness, was really cruelty. We need to wake up ourselves, and begin treating G-d, our loved ones, and all that we meet, with the kindness, respect, and love that they deserve.

Swallow Our Pride

The story of Yosef and his brothers, is one of great emotion. The gravity of the mistreatment of the brothers towards Yosef, is difficult to comprehend. But it is clear that there was a Divine plan going on behind the scenes.

Each year when we read again about this saga, we learn a new detail that we may not have known in the past. For example, there is a little known Midrash that said that Yosef was elated when he initially saw his brothers in Egypt. He was cut off from his family for twenty-two years, and despite everything, they were his brothers.

The Midrash continues and explains that the Angel Gabriel appeared to Yosef and instructed him to speak harshly to his brothers. The family reunion could not take place, unless there was real remorse on their part for their actions. And, according to the Ramban, it was necessary for some reason that Yosef’s dreams be fulfilled.

The sin of the Golden Calf was a very grievous transgression between man and G-d. The sin of the brothers was one of the most grievous sins in our history between man and man.

There are numerous lessons that need to be learned from this story. If the one that sticks with us this year, is that we must swallow our pride and show genuine remorse when we wrong someone, then we have gleaned something very valuable.

No Favoritism

The Talmud in Masechet Shabbat comments on Yosef’s “coat of many colors.” We should learn from here that a parent should not show favoritism towards one child over his other children. Yakov’s error led to the exile in Egypt.

It is interesting how the Talmud turns towards giving parental guidance. There is a great deal to be learned from every incident mentioned in the Torah.

In this instance, there is a very clear warning to parents. Aside from the potential damage to the rejected child, who feels less loved, the parents need to get their act together.

There is something terribly wrong if a parent does not love all of his children equally. While it’s true that some children give their parents a great deal of aggravation, that does not excuse loving this child less.

We must realize how every child is a gift from G-d, and is special in his own way. To prefer or love one child over the other, shows very bad character on the part of the parents.

Perhaps Yakov Avinu was overcome by emotion, and felt a special bond with Yosef, the son of his beloved, Rachel. And he may have found great comfort in Yosef, after his mother died in childbirth.

Despite all of this, the Talmud cries out and makes it clear, that Yakov was wrong. The text of the Torah tells us that he loved Yosef more than all of his sons. This is seen as a flaw in Yakov, for which a great price was paid.

It would certainly be worthwhile for parents to take a crash course in parenting, and learn how to love all children. Such an emotion should come naturally. If it doesn’t, the lessons of the Talmud need to be studied thoroughly.

Despair to Salvation

The story of Yehuda and Tamar has an aspect to it, that could be connected to Chanukah.

Tamar was the daughter of Shem the son of Noach. She was considered like the daughter of a Kohein. Her father was called a Kohein. She greatly longed to be part of the Messianic line.

She somehow knew that this line would come by way of Yehuda. When she saw that Yehuda’s third son was not going to be given to her, she devised her plan to entice Yehuda himself.

The Baal Haturim noted that her pain was very great. This allowed her to suffer the humiliation of being thought of as a זונה, a harlot. It is no coincidence that when Jeremiah laments the exile, he asks how Jerusalem has become violated like a harlot.

The common thread between Tamar’s humiliation and Jerusalem’s desecration, as well as the spiritual degradation that the Jews experienced under the Syrian-Greeks was the same.

The pain that was felt was temporary. The ultimate result was glory for Israel. This is an important reminder that we must never despair when going through difficulties in our lives. We must believe in the power of prayer. And we must understand that the difficulties are there to shape us into becoming better people.

Whatever happens on a national level, also applies on a personal level. The pain can be transformed into joy, the darkness into light, and humiliation into redemption. This is the lesson learned from Tamar, and it is also the lesson of Chanukah.

See the Miracles

One of the important themes of Chanukah is פרסומי ניסא, advertising the miracle. We are to proudly acknowledge the miracle of Chanukah by placing our Menorah in a place that can be seen by passersby.

Many place their Menorahs in windows facing the street. Some even purchase a glass case to house their Chanukia, as it is called in Hebrew, and place it in front of their house, closer to the street.

There is even a Halachic ruling, that if someone lives on a corner house that faces two streets, he must place two Menorahs, each one facing a different street.

This also serves to avoid the suspicion of nosy neighbors. They might suspect him of not lighting the candles, because he didn’t look into the right window.

The point of all of this, is that we clearly recognize the miracles that Hashem performed for us in those days, as He does in our times.

We have a responsibility to count our blessings every day. What we take for granted as nature, is really miraculous. Seeing these “natural” miracles, helps us appreciate life itself. It greatly helps us to look at life in a positive manner. We should feel humbled by all of the kindness we receive from Above.

Perhaps Chanukah is a wake up call for us to count our blessings, and show appreciation for all that we have. We should keep this thought in mind, as we proudly display our Menorahs, for everyone to see.

Light in the Face of Darkness

The message of Chanukah has great relevance in our times, just as it did during the period of the Maccabees.

The story of Purim was one of a threat of physical annihilation. The threat of Chanukah was one of spiritual annihilation. The evil Antiochus, tried to take away the observance of religious law. The effort was to remove Jewish identity, and have the Jews fully assimilate into Greek society.

All of the trouble began when Alexander the Great conquered Israel. Although he was good to the Jews, (and forms of the name Alexander are still given to Jewish boys and girls until today) Greek culture did a great deal of damage.

This created a group of Jews, known as Hellenists, who saw themselves more as Greeks than Jews. This narrative sounds painfully familiar. The intermarriage and assimilation of Jews, is a major tragedy taking place before our eyes.

But on an even larger scale, we see the whole world embracing foreign philosophies that are incredibly distant from the lessons of the Bible. The belief in G-d, is substituted for this insane “woke” culture.

Rather than follow a Divine system that teaches basic morality, the new morality is based on “being happy,” and doing whatever make you “feel good.”

It looks as though most of the world has been Hellenized. The message of Chanukah is one of hope. The victory of the few over the many, the weak over the mighty, and faith in the One true G-d of Israel, was able to defeat the powerful Greek Empire.

We must not lose hope and we must gain strength from the pure light of our Chanukah candles. This light must spread and shine brightly and defeat the falsehoods and impurities of the world. Happy Chanukah!

How the Exile Began

The story of Yakov’s family going down to Egypt to become a nation, began with the strife created between Yosef and his brothers.

The Torah tells us that Yosef was a נער, generally translated as young lad. The Baal Haturim wrote that the numerical value of this word, equals, שוטה, a fool.

He connects this idea with a verse from Mishlei, that says, מוציא דיבה הוא כסיל, that one who speaks Lashon Hara against another person is a כסיל, another name for a fool.

It is clear that Yosef was clearly out of line in the way he acted towards his brother. Most commentators do not emphasize that all of the problems for the budding Jewish nation, began with foolish idol talk. This is what created the great antagonism between Yosef and his brothers.

They began thinking that every generation that preceded them had undesirable offspring. They were convinced that they had their own “Eisav” that they had to deal with.

The irony of the story is that Yakov was the first individual in the twenty three generations from creation, that had all righteous children. It was for this reason that they were chosen to become an עם קדוש, holy nation.

All of this is a harsh reminder of the power of speech, and how destructive it can be. Things that we take lightly, or that are said in jest, can prove to be very harmful. We must be careful and think before we speak. Yosef, the foolish young lad, caused the beginnings of a long and painful Egyptian exile. That should certainly make an impression on us, not to misuse the power of speech.