Accepting a Wayward Son

As a result of a Mishna in בבא בתרא, the question of disowning or sitting Shiva for a child marrying a non-Jew, came up.

The Mishna advised that a father should not take his son out of his will, if the son does not act in a proper manner. The Gemara is not exactly clear what that means, but marrying out would certainly qualify as behavior that would cause heartache to the father.

The most famous story of a father disowning his son was Rabbeinu Gershom, a little over a thousand years ago. His son had converted to another religion, which caused him to sit Shiva for him.

The ציץ אליעזר discussed this question and said that although this is only a Minhag, a custom, a two week mourning period is in order. The first week is to mourn for the body, and the second week, to mourn for the soul.

More contemporary authorities have written, that the situation has changed due to the plague of intermarriage that has deeply affected our people.

Therefore, it is no longer advised to abide by this Minhag, and we should leave the door open for our wayward children to come home.

This must be done with great care and diplomacy. We must never condone intermarriage, but at the same time, pray that our lost Jews return to Hashem.