Moshe’s Disrespect

This week we read פרשת וארא, that begins with an assurance from Hashem that He will keep His promise with Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yakov. The Jewish people will be redeemed from Egypt in a most glorious manner.

The commentators point out that Moshe was reprimanded by Hashem for his protests and claims that things were worse after he first appeared before Pharoah.

The question asked was what Moshe did wrong. Wasn’t he supposed to plea on behalf of his people. Compare this with King David who asked Hashem, למה עזבתני, “Why have You forsaken me?” This protest was considered legitimate while Moshe’s was not.

Rabbi Twerski says that the key words in Moshe’s case were, למה הרעות, why have You made things worse? This was considered unacceptable to imply that anything Hashem does is bad. We are to believe that everything Hashem does is for the good.

It was okay for David to complain about his suffering. But it is out of line to call it evil. We are taught that just as we are to bless Hashem for the good, we are to also bless Him for bad. We are to always remember that the word, נגע, which means, “blemish,” is actually ענג, “a delight.”

We need to wait for things to play out for us to realize why we went through difficulties. It worked for the Jews in Egypt. First there was slavery, and it was followed by our glorious redemption.

Moshe’s Great Midot

Rabbi Twerski analyzed the character of Moshe Rabbeinu in his early years, and what allowed him to emerge as the leader of the Jewish people.

He learned the trait of מסירות נפש, of giving of himself, from his adopted mother, Batya. He felt the pain of his brethren when the Torah said, וירא בסבלנותם, that he saw their suffering. It is possible to sympathize, empathize, or identify, with the suffering of others. Moshe was on the level where he identified, the highest level of interaction with another in pain.

He was very concerned for his older brother Aharon’s honor. He didn’t want to accept his position as Jewish leader if his brother would be slighted in any way.

He made sure to ask permission of his father in-law, Yitro, before returning to Egypt in his new role. Even in his confrontation with Pharoah, Moshe showed the evil king respect, because of the years that Egypt treated Israel well.

So we see that every step of the way, Moshe Rabbeinu demonstrated exemplary Midot. This is the secret of the emergence of a great leader.

Back Stabbers

There is a very powerful Midrash brought by Rashi in connection with the words, אכן נודע הדבר, now the matter is known.

The simple explanation is that Moshe now realized that it was known that he had killed the Egyptian, and he needed to run away from the law.

The Midrashic interpretation is that Moshe now understood what had been troubling him for a long time. How was it possible that one nation could be enslaved by another nation. Now that he saw that there were דיליטורין, back stabbers among the Jewish people, he realized why they deserved to be slaves.

The Prophet Isaiah warned us that מהרסיך ומחריביך ממך יצאו, that those who tear down and destroy will come from within. It is not the outside enemy that threatens us, but it is the traitors and disloyal from within that threatens our people.

Unfortunately, this realization of Moshe Rabbeinu rings true today. We need loyalty and unity among our people, in order to be strong. If we are, the outside enemies will never be able to harm us.

Pharoah the Politician

There are many opinions regarding the Torah’s description of the king of Egypt. We are told, ויקם מלך חדש, that a new king arose in Egypt.

There are commentators who explained that it was an actual new king. He did not have good feelings towards the Jews, and ultimately enslaved them.

It is the other interpretation that is difficult to understand. According to this second opinion, it was the same Pharoah but he was new in the sense that he made new decrees and acted “new” in the sense that he forgot everything Yosef did, in turning Egypt into the superpower of the world.

If it was the same Pharoah, he went from praising Yosef for being filled with the Divine spirit, to “I do not know your G-d.”

Rabbi Twerski suggested that this was for political reasons. The mood in Egypt had changed and public opinion expressed a genuine fear that the Jewish people would overthrow Egyptian leadership because of their huge numbers. Pharoah needed to change his attitude in order to keep his job and not get removed.

All of the contributions of Yosef were thrown out the window. This was a harsh reality of what was to come in the world of politics. Too often so called leaders, will abandon all of their values so that they keep their position of power. How sad and how true!

130 Year Old Mother

The מעינה של תורה asks the question as to why Yocheved’s age of 130 was not given the same notoriety as Sara’s giving birth to Yitzchak. Wasn’t this an even greater miracle than שרה אמנו?

The answer is given by way of a parable. Two poor individuals were discussing a particular town and their success or failure at collecting charity from that town. One of them bemoaned the fact that he had very little success in raising funds, and concluded that it was not a very generous community.

The second poor person said he did extremely well when his request for help was answered generously. They realized that this success was due to coming on Purim when there was a special Mitzva to help the poor.

Moshe’s birth was like Purim in the sense that babies were being born miraculously and in abundance. Women regularly had sextuplets in six months and they all came out healthy.

Therefore, in an environment like that, a 130 year old woman giving birth, did not stick out.

Sara’s birth of Yitzchak was not during supernatural times, so the knowledge of a ninety year old woman giving birth, was big news!

Separate and Unique

Shavua Tov-

Rabbi Twerski makes a very emphatic observation in connection with today’s Parsha. He prefaced this with the words, “It’s high time Jews recognize this!”

He is referring to the lessons of history that began with the Jews in Egypt. They were on very good terms with the Egyptians as long as they remained in the Land of Goshen. However, when they began leaving their Jewish enclave, and began participating in Egyptian theater, the troubles began. It was their attempts to assimilate that led to their ultimate slavery.

The was true with the Purim story and the participation in Achashveirosh’s feast. Over and over again this lesson has not been learned.

When Jews remain separate and unique in their beliefs, they were able to avoid the harsh pitfalls of the exile. When they tried to “fit in” and be like everyone else, they fell.

It does not mean that they were not able to contribute to their respective societies. But it meant that they got involved politically and economically with their hosts. But they were always careful not to get involved socially. The social interaction between Jews and non-Jews, never bode well.

It began in Egypt, and continues to this very day. It’s high time Jews recognize this.

Jewish People and the Moon

This week we begin the Book of Shemot, that describes the slavery in Egypt and the exodus. The Jewish people went from prosperity to bondage. They went from the sin of the Golden Calf to the construction of the Mishkan.

The first Mitzva given in Egypt was the establishment of the lunar calendar. The significance of following the moon, is that it is a reflection on our history.

Like the Jewish people, the moon has its time when it is full and strong. But there are other times when it wanes and is barely seen.

We have seen periods of light and periods of darkness. We must learn from this how we deal with those difficult times in our lives.

The Baal Shem Tov taught us that we must never despair during our dark times. The troubled times help mold and shape us. We eventually realize that everything is for the best. Medicine might taste bitter, but it ultimately heals.

As a people, we have gone through so much over the generations. Thankfully, we are now in the period of Redemption as we have witnessed a rebirth of our people as we have come home to Israel. The best is yet to come!

Comforting Mourners

After the death of Yakov, the brothers assumed that Yosef will now punish them for his sale. He reassured his brothers that he fully understood that this was part of a Divine plan, and he has no malice towards them.

They were all dealing with the sadness of the great loss of their father, Yakov Avinu. The Torah says, וינחם אותם וידבר על לבם, that Yosef comforted them, and spoke words of consolation.

We get a glimpse from here as to how we are to comfort mourners. The loss of a loved one, is a very painful and traumatic experience. Rabbi Twerski brings the adage, “Joy that is shared is doubled. Pain that is shared is halved.”

Sharing sorrow, helps the sufferer, bear it. Feelings can be conveyed without words. One heart can speak to another without words. This is the reason we are not supposed to initiate a conversation when visiting a Shiva house. Just being present and letting the mourners know that you are there for them, is a comfort in itself.

Yosef helped set the guidelines as to how to know the proper conduct of comforting mourners, or those who are in pain.

To Be Like Efraim and Menashe

We are told in the Parsha that parents will bless their children with the words, ישימך אלוקים כאפרים וכמנשה, that Hashem should make you like Efraim and Menashe.

One of the reasons for this blessing is that parents are praying that their own children will succeed and maintain their commitment to Judaism, regardless of the challenge. Efraim and Menashe never lived in Israel and lived their entire lives in decadent Egypt. Despite this, they were considered on par with the other tribes of Israel, and they met the challenge.

A second interpretation is that there was great love between the two brothers, and there was no sibling rivalry between them. Some say that Yakov switched his hands to put his right hand over the younger, Efraim, because of his great humility and admiration for his brother.

It is clear why parents would wish that their own children would have the same attributes as Efraim and Menashe.p

Every Child is Unique

Yakov made a point of telling his sons that it was important that they remain united and that there be Shalom between them. This way his blessings would have a proper vessel for them to be received.

Rabbi Twerski points out that Yakov Avinu was teaching a valuable lesson in parenting when he gave the blessings.

Basically, he realized that each of his sons was different and they had their own special talents. He was encouraging them to reach their own individual potential. True blessing comes when a person is able to become everything he can be.

Parents make a big mistake when they “decide” what their children should be. The important factor is that the children need to be encouraged to do what makes “them” happy and fulfilled.

This is especially harmful when parents try to manipulate their children when they tell them that they are only telling them what to do, because they love them.

My brother told me a story of a friend who bemoaned the fact that his son had become Chareidi. My brother told the friend that he should feel good that his son had the self confidence to express himself in a way that he would feel fulfilled.

This was the message that Yakov gave to his sons.

Impulsiveness and Anger

Parshat ויחי has the blessings of Yakov to his sons. The fact that he blessed them all, shows that he forgave them for their part in Yosef’s sale.

Some of the sons, like Yehuda, received strong blessings, while with others, the blessing came with rebuke.

Specifically, it was Reuven, and Shimon and Levi, who received the strongest rebuke. In Reuven’s case, it was his impulsiveness and impetuous behavior, that got him in trouble, that caused him to lose the birthright. He acted without thinking by moving his father’s bed from Bilha’s tent, to that of his mother, Leah.

In the case of Shimon and Levi, they were reprimanded for their anger, in their handling of the people of Shechem. It wasn’t the killing of the residents of Shechem that upset Yakov. It was their anger that they didn’t control, that was their problem.

Rabbi Twerski connects these two negative traits of impulsiveness and anger, as being equally bad. Both represent acting without thinking of the consequences. He even goes so far to say that all forces of he’ll dominate such people. Animals act on impulse. Human beings, and especially Jews, are expected to learn how to control their anger, and carefully consider their actions before they do something they might regret.

No Self Deception

This week we complete the Book of Bereishit, as we read פרשת ויחי. The Parsha begins with Yakov calling for Yosef and asking him to make sure that he will be buried in Eretz Yisrael.

He recounts his life and gives Yosef an explanation as to why he chose to bury Rachel in Beit Lechem and not in מערת המכפלה in Chevron. Instead of simply telling him that this was Hashem’s decision, Yakov goes into a lengthy explanation as to why he wanted Rachel to pray for her children as they went into Galut.

Rabbi Twerski wrote that there was a message to be learned here. There are times when we make decisions in life, and we try to justify these decisions by saying they are certain that this was Hashem’s will.

We must be extremely careful not to deceive ourselves for our motivation in making such decisions. It is always best to run things by a trusted friend or rabbi, before making a major decision. This way it truly can be that it was Divine will, just as Yakov was able to claim in his conversation with Yosef.

Power of שמע

After the emotional reunion between Yakov and Yosef, it became clear that the Yakov’s family of seventy, would be moving to Egypt. Miraculously, during their 210 year stay, the family would emerge as a nation of 600,000. Nevertheless, Yakov had great concerns about leaving Israel.

It was clear that Egypt was the most decadent place on earth, and the negative influences there were great. Yakov preferred to finish the last years of his life in the Land of his fathers, the holy land of Israel.

For this reason, Hashem needed to give assurances to Yakov. He tells him, אל תירא מרדה מצרימה, “Do not be afraid of going down to Egypt.” He further tells him that, ויוסף ישית ידך על עיניך, “And Yosef will place his hands on your eyes.”

This is a strange verse of reassurance. The commentators explain that this refers to the power of קריאת שמע. Yakov is told that his children will meet the challenge of being in Egypt, because they will never stop reciting the שמע. The Shema is an affirmation our unshakable faith in Hashem, and an affirmation that His Oneness rules the world.

As long as Jews continue to recite the שמע, they will never forget who they are, and they will never abandon Hashem’s holy Torah.

Basic Midot

Now that we are approaching the end of the Book of Bereishit, also known as ספר המידות, the Book of Midot, some conclusions should be made.

It continues to surprise me how people who come from good families, and study these Parshiot, do not possess the basic character traits taught by our Patriarchs and Matriarchs.

We learned so much about being sensitive to others, including those who harmed us. Yet, people don’t seem to understand how careful they must be with their speech. We need to be certain not to harm another person’s self esteem. This is especially true in marriage where couples should be so careful not to insult one another, avoid criticism, and definitely not insult one another.

The subject of jealousy was brought up numerous times, and it was emphasized just how damaging this negative character trait is. Included here, is the importance of learning to be happy with one’s lot, and not looking at what others have.

We have to learn how to be genuinely happy at another person’s success. Yosef needed to be certain that his brothers finally learned this lesson.

It is my sincere hope that we will all make an effort to incorporate these valuable and basic lessons into our own personalities. We will benefit so much, if we do.

Mother Tongue

When Yosef revealed himself to his brothers, he tells them, כי פי המדבר אליכם, which is interpreted to mean, that he was speaking to them in Hebrew. The Ramban explains that unlike previous meetings that had Yosef speaking in Egypt by way of an interpreter, he was now speaking to them in Hebrew.

This is another explanation as to why the brothers couldn’t figure out that the viceroy of Egypt was actually Yosef. Had they spoken in Hebrew all the time, they may have detected a familiar voice. But this is much more difficult, when Yosef was speaking in Egyptian.

There is one further point about speech. Yosef was also indicating that he, too, had repented for his bad speech that caused his brothers to hate him in the first place.

The reunion of Yakov’s family, was healing on many levels.

Strong Rebuke

There is a Midrash on this week’s Parsha that has a very powerful message. It says אוי לנו מיום הדין אוי לנו מיום התוכחה, which means woe is to us the Day of Judgement, and woe to us the day of rebuke.

The Midrash goes on to explain, that if we look at Yosef, among the youngest of the brothers, and they could not respond to his rebuke, and were dumbfounded, what will happen when each of us will stand before the Holy One Blessed Be He?

How will be able to answer when we will be shown our lives and numerous inadequacies? Will we be full of shame and embarrassment for not trying to reach our full potential?

This episode is a strong reminder that there will be a day of reckoning for all of us. The Pasuk in the Torah that tells us to respect our elders says, מפני שיבה תקום, that we are to stand before the elderly. A better interpretation would be לפני שיבה תקום, which would mean, before you become elderly, wake up! The time for Teshuva is now!

מעט ורעים

Yakov Avinu is generally criticized for telling Pharoah that his life was מעט ורעים, “few and bad.” Some opinions say that if you count the number of words in that section, it equals the number of years that Yakov did not live that would have equaled Avraham’s 175 years, or Yitzchak’s 180 years. In other words, years were taken from Yakov’s life because of his bitterness, and he lived to 147.

It was true that Yakov had many challenges in his life, but he always came out on top, and had no reason to express any bitterness at all.

There is a totally different opinion from Rav Mann that Yakov really did nothing wrong at all. It very well could have been that Pharoah was marveling at how great Yosef was to his father. He was assuming that Yosef’s early years must have been were years of privilege. Yakov must have had it all to give the upbringing that would give his son the tools to be able to turn Egypt into the world’s superpower.

When Yakov recognized this attitude that “Jews have it all,” he needed to downplay his status. He, therefore, told Pharoah that he shouldn’t think things were so easy. His years were few and bad. There is no need for him to be jealous.

Already in Egypt, the seeds of anti-semitism were planted and we needed to learn how to combat them.

This is but another example of two very different interpretations to the same Pasuk.

Power of Speaking Softly

Parshat Vayigash is one of the most emotional Parshiot of the entire Torah. We learn of the reunion of Yakov and Yosef, and how Yosef revealed himself to his brothers.

Rabbi Twerski has a unique interpretation as to how Yehuda convinced Yosef that he should not take Binyamin as hostage. He did this because he was a great communicator. He never raised his voice and always spoke in a calm, soothing voice. In Kohelet it says, “Gentle words of the wise are heard above the shouts of a king.”

If you want what you have to say to have merit, say it softly. Shouting and harsh words demonstrate the weakness of your argument. Speaking softly and gently will enable you to be heard.

Yehuda’s successful plea to Yosef should teach us a lesson in communication with others. The idea of דיבור בנחת, speaking calmly is the main ingredient in conquering anger.

Husbands and wives need to work on never raising their voices. This cannot lead to anything positive. And disagreements should never be settled when one of the sides is still upset. It is best to wait until all is calm, when there is the best chance of settling matters.

Until now, we never looked at Yehuda as the one that taught us that we must speak in a calm voice. He also showed us that this method actually works.

Maintaining Self Esteem

The question that is asked every year about the story of Yosef and his brothers, is why Yakov was not notified earlier that Yosef was still alive. It took nine years until he was reunited with his beloved son.

A traditional answer that is given is that for some mystical reason, it was important that Yosef see his dreams fulfilled. This is difficult to understand.

Rabbi Twerski suggests that this delay was necessary in order to preserve the self esteem of the brothers. Had Yakov been told immediately about Yosef’s appointment, the brothers would have been exposed for their treacherous act of selling their brother.

The brothers were able to show their sincere remorse for their sin. And they proved this when Yosef showed favoritism to Binyamin, and there was no jealousy.

We cannot minimize the importance of helping maintain one’s self esteem. Rabbi Twerski maintained that self esteem is a major component of a healthy personality. It was important enough to delay Yakov’s reunion with Yosef by nine years.

Keep a Low Profile

The famine that Yosef predicted spread throughout the world. The Torah tells us that when it reached Canaan where Yakov lived, he comforted his family.

He told them, למה תתראו, “Why should you be afraid?” Rashi tells us that they actually still had food, and they were not in a desperate situation. They were not starving and were provided for by Hashem.

Nevertheless, Yakov tried to teach his children a message for all generations. He was telling them that they should take great care not to arouse the jealousy of the nations around them.

It would create very bad feelings if everyone around them was desperate for food, while the Jews had plenty. This would likely create a sentiment of anti-semitism with an attitude that the Jews have all the money.

Jews were supposed to learn that when they are living among the nations, they needed to keep a low profile and not show off their wealth. They were to take great care not to arouse the jealousy of the nations. Such anti-Jewish sentiments could translate into physical harm and discrimination against the Jewish people.

It is always important to be modest and humble. But it is especially important in showing this modesty and humility, when it comes to showing off wealth. If this is not done, it could have disastrous consequences.