No Favoritism

The Gemara in מסכת שבת gives some parenting instructions. לעולם אל ישנה אדם בנו בין הבנים, that one should never treat his child distinctly from his other children.

The Gemara goes on to say that on account of a tunic of fine wool, the weight of two sela’im, which Yakov gave to Yosef... his brothers became envious, and the matter led to our forefathers going down to Egypt.

This is an important message for parents that they should not show favoritism between children.

There should be a deep inborn love that a parent has for all of his children. There is something highly abnormal if a parent honestly feels more love for one child over the others.

While Yakov’s behavior is difficult to understand, and perhaps his treatment of Yosef was consolation for the loss of his beloved Rachel, there is no doubt that he loved all of his children.

Someone once said that it is our duty to give unconditional love to our children, even though we might enjoy the company of one child over the other. We must be clear to make that distinction between loving and enjoying.

It appears that Yakov made a regrettable mistake with Yosef. The Torah is teaching us to learn from his mistake.

Shimon and Levi

The behavior of Shimon and Levi and their wiping out the city of Shechem, leaves many questions. The biggest question is how such behavior could be justified. They took the law into their own hands, but were reprimanded more for their anger than the action itself.

The Rambam discusses the justification for what they did in his discussion of the Seven Noachide Laws. There was a death penalty attached to the violation of any of these laws, including tearing the limb off of a live animal and stealing.

Dina was kidnapped or “stolen” by Shechem the son of Chamor. The rest of the town knew about this and were accomplices to the crime. They were all guilty in allowing such a grievous crime to take place.

In addition, the Rambam continues, they were obligated by the Noachide Laws, to set up courts of justice, and try the criminals. They were also collectively guilty for this.

For the reasons mentioned, the Rambam felt that Shimon and Levi were justified in bringing the death penalty on all of the males of that city. And they were both thirteen years of age (less than a year apart), when they did this!

Three Disputed Cities

After Yakov Avinu’s incident with the angel, the Torah mentions a very brief and significant Pasuk. Referring to Shechem it’s written, “ויקן את חלקת השדה מיד בני חמור אבי שכם.” The Torah is telling us that Yakov purchased a portion of the field from the sons of Chamor, the father of Shechem.

This is the source that the Torah documents the purchase of the city of Shechem. Parshat Chayei Sara documents Avraham’s purchase of the city of Chevron. And King David purchased Jerusalem from the Yevusim.

These three cities in particular are mentioned in Tanach as belonging to the Jewish people. It’s no wonder that these three cities carry with them the most challenges and controversy.

It is important that we know the truth and are able to know and quote the sources proving our rights to Eretz Yisrael.

ויבוא יעקב שלם

After Yakov wrestled with the angel, he traveled in the direction of the city of Shechem. The Torah says that Yakov arrived שלם, complete, to Shechem.

Rashi comments on the word, שלם, complete. He was שלם בגופו, שלם בממונו, שלם בתורתו. He was complete בגופו, in body, in that he was now cured from his injury sustained in his wrestling match. He was שלם בממונו, with his property, in that he was still solid even after giving Eisav a very generous gift. And he was שלם בתורתו, in that he did not forget any of his Torah during the whole time he was with Lavan.

This is certainly the goal for all of us facing various challenges in life. We would hope to remain strong physically, financially, and still have our Torah study intact.

Yakov’s Concerns

Shavua Tov. Another well known statement connected with today’s Parsha, are the words, “שמא יגרום החטא”. These words were uttered by Yakov Avinu in explanation as to why he was so afraid of his confrontation with Eisav.

These words express that Yakov was afraid that he lost his rights to Hashem’s promise of protection, because perhaps somewhere along the way, he was afraid that he may have sinned. He thought that such a sin could remove his merits,

The Netivot Shalom has a different understanding of Yakov’s concerns. He claims that Yakov was never at peace with himself for the scheme he and his mother did in taking away the Bracha from Eisav. He lived with constant doubt as to whether he did the right thing or not. And he was now concerned that his confrontation with Eisav was where this act of deception might really cost him.

Ironically, the Netivot Shalom explained that had Yakov received the Bracha directly from Yitzchak, the Jews would never have gone into exile.

Yakov’s fears were unfounded. Hashem had a much bigger plan for the Jewish people.

התבטלות

Continuing on the theme of Yakov’s bowing to Eisav, the Netivot Shalom expands on his unique interpretation. He explained that Yakov did not exactly bow to Eisav, but bowed to the שכינה, the Divine Presence.

Yakov’s bowing showed התבטלות, self nullification. When one bows, he is nullifying himself before Hashem. This is why we bow before Hashem on Yom Kippur.

The Rebbe of Avritch זצ״ל, lived in Tzephat when there was a great earthquake that caused extensive damage. The Rebbe viewed the quake as a surge of power of the סטרא אחרא, the side of evil. He instructed the entire Jewish community to bow or do השתחויה, by stretching themselves directly on the ground. This subdued the forces of evil.

Yakov Avinu taught us the strength of התבטלות, when he confronted the evil, Eisav. This self nullification is definitely a trait that we all need to work on. It brings with it, great protection and closeness to Hashem.

Bowing to Eisav

One of the more problematic incidents in the Torah is the meeting between Yakov and Eisav. There are many opinions that feel that Yakov should not have humbled himself to such an extent in front of the wicked Eisav.

Aside from the numerous gifts that Yakov gave Eisav, it was his bowing before him seven times that seemed to have really not been necessary.

There are those that felt that Yakov paid a price for this bowing and was subservient to eight kings that came from Eisav.

The Netivot Shalom has a completely different take on this incident. Based on the Zohar, he claims that Yakov saw the שכינה, Divine Presence, alongside him as he approached. Yakov was bowing to the שכינה, and not to Eisav at all!

This act of reverence towards Hashem is what caused Eisav to melt and genuinely show love for his brother.

It is interesting how Chazal can view the same incident from so many different angles.

Two Tzaddikim Argue

We learn from the אבות, Patriarchs, how we are to become true עבדי ה׳, servants of G-d. Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yakov, each developed his own special relationship with Hashem.

The Netivot Shalom relates an argument that once happened between two great Chassidic masters, the Noam Elimelech, and his brother, Rav Zusia.

The discussion was focused on what should be the starting point when one sincerely wishes to worship G-d. One said that the primary focus should be on Hashem’s exaltedness, and the other said to concentrate on one’s own insignificance.

The debate became so heated, that the two brothers traveled to the Great Maggid of Mezeritch, to settle their dispute. The Maggid listened and answered with אלו ואלו דברי אלוקים חיים, that both opinions reflected the words of the living G-d.

This is very sound advice. We should constantly remind ourselves of Hashem’s exaltedness and our own significance. This will set us on the path of becoming true servants of G-d.

עשר תעשרנו

Rav Shlomo Mann זצ״ל commented on Yakov Avinu’s words, אשר תתן לי עשר אעשרנו לך, that he told Hashem that he will give ten per cent of all that Hashem gives him.

Rav Mann says that Yakov was teaching the importance of הכרת הטוב, recognizing the good that was done for him. One must always remember that as soon as he receives a wage or reward, he must immediately think of helping the poor and downtrodden. He must never think that he has received what he deserves.

Yakov is teaching the importance of being appreciative for all that one has done for him. If one’s wife goes to the trouble of preparing a nice meal, the husband should show appreciation and say thank you.

We learn this from Yakov Avinu. He is promising Hashem that from whatever he receives, he will share with others. This is הכרת הטוב.

ואנוכי לא ידעתי

Rav Shlomo Mann, זצ״ל, brings an interesting interpretation to the Pasuk where Yakov acknowledges that Hashem is in that place and he didn’t even realize. The Torah uses the words, ואנכי לא ידעתי, “And I did not know.”

Rav Mann points out that the conceited individual is very much despised by Hashem. The word, אנוכי, can also be interpreted as one who is selfish, or full of himself.

In terms of understanding what Yakov meant, it can be explained depending on where we place the punctuation. If we first write ואנוכי לא, and then ידעתי, it would mean that if one views himself as לא, insignificant, then he will ידעתי, know that he is in a holy place.

But if we punctuate it as first ואנוכי, that it’s all about me, then it will be followed with לא ידעתי, he will not know that he is in a holy place.

Only the truly humble are able to perceive the spiritual and holy. The haughty are too full of themselves to be able to see anything but themselves.

Unable to be Comforted

We learn this week of the selling of Yosef by his brothers. This was a horrible crime that was later rectified by the Ten Martyrs who were thought to be a reincarnation of the ten brothers.

When Yakov is sent the bloody Coat of Many Colors, he goes into mourning for his beloved son. The Torah tells us, וימאן להתנחם, that he refused to be comforted.

The Rabbis have a statement that says, גזירה על המת שנשתכחים מן הלב, that it is a decree that when one passes away, he is forgotten after twelve months. However, if the person has not really died, the mourner will not be comforted. This could apply to one missing in action or one who went overseas and was not heard from.

In Yakov’s case, this was a clear sign that Yosef was still alive. He refused to be comforted and the usual rules of mourning did not apply to him. Shabbat Shalom

Yakov and Yosef

This week’s Parsha, וישב, begins with Yakov’s return to Eretz Yisrael with the hope that he will finally have some peace of mind. Immediately, we learn of his special relationship with Yosef, and the problems that immediately followed.

Rabbeinu Bechaye lists numerous similarities between Yakov and Yosef. Aside from looking alike, both had brothers that hated them. Both of their mothers, Rivka and Rachel, were barren and had to pray hard to conceive. Both were born circumcised. Both were shepherds and married their wives in Chutz L’Aretz. Both were escorted by angels. (It was an that helped Yosef find his brothers.) Lavan was blessed because of Yakov and Potiphar because of Yosef. And finally, both died in Egypt and both were mummified.

It is quite interesting how a thorough examination of the text and commentators, gives us such a deep insight into our biblical characters.

New Beginnings

One of the beautiful aspects of Judaism is that no matter how far a person falls, he can always start over and pick up the pieces.

At the end of last week’s Parsha, we learned about the lineage of Eisav. They were very corrupt, evil people. We are also told that Eisav’s wife’s name was בשמת. Rashi points out that her name was also מחלת. This was meant to teach us that when one gets married, his sins are forgiven. The name מחלת, has the word, מחילה, forgiveness, contained in it.

We are also taught that when one moves to Israel, his sins are forgiven as well.

If one gets himself into a financial mess and cannot see how he will ever pay off his debts, the שמיטה year comes when all of his debts are forgiven. One must never despair. One can always resolve to start over and get things right.

Yakov’s Truthfulness

Yakov Avinu was known for being truthful and honest. The commentators say that because a Tzaddik does not steal. Therefore, Yakov went back to retrieve forgotten small packages.

Rabbeinu Bechaye claims that the reason Yakov’s name was changed to ישראל, was in order to remove any stigma that he may have had in order to outsmart crooks like Lavan and Eisav.

In Eisav’s case, he even used the words, ויעקבני זה פעמיים, implying that he was deceived by Yakov two times. He was referring to his selling of the birthright and Yakov taking away his blessing.

Being able to be smart and avoiding being cheated by dishonest people, does not diminish from one’s pursuit of truth.

It is always important to have integrity and high moral standards. It is not a Mitzva to allow oneself to be taken advantage of and degraded. This we learn from Yakov/Yisrael, the man of truth.

The Dina Incident

The incident of Dina and Shechem Ben Chamor is very troubling. Rabbeinu Bechaye claims that Dina was eight years old at the time, and Shimon and Levi were thirteen and twelve years old.

The Rambam does not go into this question of ages but does justify that the acts of Shimon and Levi, were correct.

It was known to all that it was necessary to observe the Seven Noachide. A violation of any of these seven laws was punishable with death. The inhabitants of that city, were collectively guilty of two of the Seven Noachide Laws.

They were guilty of kidnapping as they all knew that Dina was taken against her will, and they did nothing. The city was expected to set up courts of justice, as dictated by the Torah. They were obliged to try Shechem for his sin against Dina. They did nothing in this case, either.

For these reasons the Rambam believed they acted properly. Yakov Avinu cursed their anger but did not curse their action. A very troubling and difficult episode, indeed.

Be a Mentch

Shavua Tov. One of the interesting historical stories related to today’s Parsha, is the relationship that existed between Rabbi Yehuda Hanasi and the Roman Emperor Antoninus.

The latter was a descendant of Eisav and yet, had great admiration for רבי. When רבי wrote letters to אנטונינוס, he began with the words, כה אמר עבדך יהודה, so said your master, Yehuda, similar to the way Yakov addresses Eisav. Antoninus would reply with, וכי עבדי אתה, and do you think you are my servant!

Numerous times during our Galut, such relationships were critical for our survival. We must always maintain a cordial relationship with our Gentile neighbors. We only need to keep our distance from turning this relationship into a social relationship. Being cordial, well mannered, and acting like a “mensch”, is always the correct path to take.

Surviving Galut

In פרשת וישלח, we learn how we are to deal with an oppressive רשע, evil person. The Rabbis say, מותר להחניף רשע בעולם הזה, that it is permitted to flatter an evil person in this world. Yakov’s handling of Eisav had hints as to how we were to cope with our long, horrible exile.

When Yakov sent gifts to עשו, he told his servants, רוח תשימו, make a space or gap between one gift and another. Yakov was asking Hashem in a way, to give breaks to עם ישראל between one difficult period and another in our exile.

When Yakov divided his camp into two, Yakov was asking that when we were in Galut, if Jews had it bad in one part of the world, things would be easier for Jews in another part of the world.

We are also taught that when Yakov bowed seven times before Eisav, he would one day rise above him.

Our Galut has been long and bitter. Finally, today we live in a world where there is no religious persecution for Jews anywhere. This seems to be a clear sign that the Galut is ending and Mashiach is knocking on the door. All we need to do, is let him in. Shabbat Shalom

Dreams and Birkat Kohanim

Regarding dreams and Birkat Kohanim, there is a big difference in the way the Priestly blessing is recited in Israel and outside of Israel.

For Ashkenazi Jews, ברכת כהנים is said approximately 450 times a year. In חוץ לארץ it is said about ten times a year. When it is said on those ten occasions, before the end of each of the three blessings, there is a traditional melody that is sung by the Kohanim (usually very off key!).

The reason for stretching out the ברכת כהנים in חוץ לארץ, was to give time to the congregation to say the more lengthy version of cancellation of dreams, during this singing.

In Israel, we do not need to wait for one of the festivals to hear ברכת כהנים. Therefore, we recite one paragraph beginning with the words, אדיר במרום to nullify our dreams. We also have the option of a shorter prayer where we make a more direct request of Hashem to turn bad dreams into good ones.

Dreams

The subject of dreams is dealt with in depth at the end of מסכת ברכות. There are many opinions as to how to deal with them.

One opinion is that it is best not to talk about a troubling dream. It may be best to put it to rest. This is because, often the way it is interpreted has an effect on its coming into being.

Often dreams are a reflection on what has transpired during the previous day. Therefore, the Rabbis give more attention to dreams before waking in the morning rather than those at the beginning of the evening.

There are times that we are deeply troubled by a dream we may have had. If this happens, there are three possible solutions. One can declare a תענית חלום, a fast, on the morning it occurs-even if it is on Shabbat. Secondly, one can ask three close friends to take part in a ceremony known as הטבת חלום, found in many Siddurim. And a final simpler solution is to recite a short prayer while the Kohanim are blessing the people.

All three of these procedures are meant to nullify the negative aspects of the dream.

May all of our good and happy dreams come true!

Exemplary Behavior

Our Tanach teaches how to behave in an exemplary fashion. King David taught us how to admit when we are wrong. He did this when Natan the Prophet showed him his error with Bat Sheva.

Yehuda was also shown in an indirect way how he was responsible for Tamar’s pregnancy. He answered with the words, ״צדקה ממני״ that she is more righteous than me.

Tamar risked her life and was willing to be thrown into a fiery furnace, rather than embarrass Yehuda.

And perhaps the most noble act of all was the loyalty Rachel showed her sister, Leah. She gave up marrying the man she loved, instead of seeing her sister humiliated. Had she revealed Lavan’s trickery, Leah would have been a laughing stock and probably would not have been one of the matriarchs.

We must learn to emulate these noble acts mentioned in Tanach.