A Content Mother

The usual explanation as to what was the cause of death for Sara, was that she died of a broken heart when she heard of the Binding of Isaac.

I even heard a story years ago of a young third grader in Chicago, who wept profusely when his teacher told him of our Morher Sara, passing away. The boy grew up to be a successful and very much loved, rabbi.

The lesser known interpretation is that there was a reason why Sara died because of the עקידה. Every Jewish mother prays that her children grow up to be good G-d fearing, Torah observant Jews.

When Sara heard that her son had reached the pinnacle of Emunah, by being prepared to risk his life for Hashem, she realized that her work was done. Yitzchak surpassed any expectation she could have had for her son. Her life’s mission was complete. She could leave this world as a very contented Jewish mother.

Leave Personal Interest Aside

A question was asked about Eliezer’s prayer to Hashem. We learn that he had קפיצת הדרך, which means his path jumped. This is an expression showing that he made his journey in a miraculously short time. This was a clear sign that Hashem was with him. So what was he asking in his prayer?

Rabbi Twerski wrote that he was praying that he would maintain objectivity. We are told that Eliezer, himself, had an eligible daughter for Yitzchak. He wanted to be sure that he would be guided by being faithful to his master and not be swayed by personal interest.

This is a very good prayer for all of us to make. We are often faced with decisions and dilemmas that require objectivity and the need to do what is right. Personal interest can sway our decision and hold us back from accomplishing our mission.

There are so many important lessons taught in the Torah. We need to open our hearts and eyes, and listen to them.

Why Charan

The question was asked as to why Avraham Avinu sent Eliezer to his family in חרן, who were idol worshippers, instead of marrying off Yitzchak to one of the idol worshippers in Canaan.

Rabbi Twerski explains that there was a difference between Avraham’s family and the Canaanites. The attachment to idol worship with his family, was only on an intellectual level. They were influenced by the people of their time, but did it mainly because everyone else was doing it.

In the case of the Canaanites, their idol worship was an expression of their ingrained evil. It was as if decadence was in their genes. Uprooting such evil is extremely difficult.

However, when one’s attachment to a movement is only intellectual, it is much easier to bring about change.

This was the reason Avraham went to the trouble of sending Eliezer on his mission. And it certainly paid off. Because Rivka was already a gem and very special despite her surroundings.

Handling Tragedy

This week we read about Sara’s passing in חיי שרה. We are told that Avraham came to eulogize Sara and ולבכתה, which means to cry for her.

The Torah has a small כ in the word ולבכתה. One explanation is that Avraham Avinu did not cry too much. There is a Midrash that says that she died on Yom Kippur when it was forbidden to show signs of mourning.

Rabbi Twerski takes this story to teach us how the צדיקים handled their emotions. On the one hand, they were very human and reacted to pain and suffering just like everyone else. But on the other hand, their closeness to G-d allowed them to make adjustments to the difficulties to which they were confronted.

There are numerous stories of holy people passing away on Shabbat. Yet, their righteous relatives managed to delay the mourning until after Shabbat.

They also were able to quickly accept Hashem’s decree without question.

One example was the חפץ חיים when his son died. He cried out to Hashem and said, “Ribono Shel Olam, all the love that I gave to my son, I will now give to You.”

Avraham Avinu was the first to set the example as to how a believing Jew is supposed to handle tragedy.

Lessons from Akeidat Yitzchak

The case of עקידת יצחק, the binding of Isaac, stands out as one of the greatest acts of self sacrifice in the Torah. Despite the fact that Avraham did not actually have to sacrifice his son, the way he conducted himself was exemplary.

Many point to the unshakable faith of Avraham Avinu and how he did not question Hashem despite how illogical or contradictory this request was. This in itself is something we all need to follow. We need to fulfill Hashem’s wishes despite the challenges they present.

The other aspect of the Akeida that deserves attention was Avraham’s struggles with the שטן, Satan, who put many obstacles in his path. The Midrash speaks of rivers that Avraham needed to tread through. It also speaks of Satan appearing as an old man, filling him with all kinds of doubts as to the authenticity of his mission.

Overcoming the שטן, or the יצר הרע, is often our greatest challenge of all. It does everything possible to put doubts in our heads and to get us off course from fulfilling our holy mission in this world.

This is the reason why we read the עקידה each morning in our prayers. We are to learn from אברהם אבינו to have unshakable faith in Hashem, and to have the strength to overcome all negativity and efforts to get us away from our sacred calling of serving Hashem with all our hearts and all our souls.

A Jewish Mother’s Compassion

It is a well known statement of Chazal that Jews are known as ביישנים, רחמנים, and גומלי חסדים, that we are shy, merciful, and we do acts of kindness.

Rabbi Twerski, surprisingly, points out that this is not the nature of non-Jews. He uses the case of Hagar and Yishmael, when they are sent away by Sara.

The Torah tells us that Yishmael had passed out from the intense heat, and his loving mother said the following: אל אראה במות הילד, which, in essence, means that she plans on abandoning her son because it’s too painful to watch the boy die.

Rabbi Twerski contends that no Jewish mother would ever react in that fashion. She would stay with her child, continue praying, and hope for a miracle.

This is what separates Jews from the rest of the world. And this is why we often hear that when a Jew behaves in a cruel manner, that people will ask if he’s really Jewish.

We are a shy, kind, and compassionate people. We should be proud of these wonderful character traits.

Learning Values at Home

The proof of how much we are influenced by our home, is reflected in the behavior of Lot when the angels visited him in Sodom.

He was never considered a righteous person by any means. In fact, in spoken Hebrew, someone who is very drunk is referred to as ,”שיכור כלוט,” drunk like Lot. He also showed his low character by choosing to live in the most decadent place on earth.

Despite all of that, he did grow up in Avraham Avinu’s house. It clearly left a mark on Lot.

The Midrash tells us that the people of Sodom issued a death penalty to anyone feeding wayfarers. This meant that the otherwise not very impressive Lot, risked his life by welcoming the angels. His upbringing would not allow him to turn his back on his guests.

This teaches us how important it is to create a home environment that is based on good character, kindness, and Chessed. This is our guarantee that regardless of the lifestyle our children may live, they will never lose sight of those precious values learned at home.

Humility Invites Divine Presence

When Avraham Avinu attempts to save סדום and עמורה, he says of himself, ואנוכי עפר ואפר, “I am dust and ashes.” I realize my insignificance compared to You, Hashem.

King David said that, אנוכי תולעת ולא איש, “I am a worm and not a man.” He would say this when he went off to war, as he, too, realized his own insignificance, and his victory in battle depended only on Hashem.

Moshe and Aharon didn’t understand why the nation lodged their complaints against them. They said, ואנחנו מה, “ And what are we?” They, too realized their own insignificance.

If Avraham, David, Moshe and Aharon spoke in this fashion, we are to learn the importance of ענווה, humility. These men were among the greatest Jews who ever lived, because of their humility.

Rabbi Twerski wrote that “humility invited the שכינה, the Divine Presence. Arrogance pushes it away.” One of the tricks of the יצר הרע is that it plays with our egos and tries to make us think more of ourselves than we really are. This is designed to confuse us and distance us from G-d. It gives us a sense of entitlement, which is a strong sign of egotism.

We must learn from our great sages to always remain humble and attribute all of our achievements to Hashem’s kindness. This will allow us to remain close to Him.

Educating Our Children

Shavua Tov-

When Hashem is confronted with the evil of סדום and עמורה, He realizes that it would be wrong not to explain Himself to Avraham Avinu. So before those cities are destroyed He has a conversation with Avraham.

The main motivation for this conversation come from the words, כי ידעתיו למען אשר יצוה את בניו, “Because I know what he will command his children.” Hashem recognizes how Avraham will educate his children and grandchildren. He will teach them right from wrong and how to be a people of Chesed, always being prepared to help one another. Eliminating those five cities may not be so easy to comprehend. That is why Hashem shows Avraham why he’s left with no choice.

Rabbi Twerski takes this episode to emphasize that the primary effectiveness of parenting is setting the proper example for one’s children. Lecturing is not nearly as effective as being role models. Children of all ages, notice everything about their parents. Setting the right example, means everything.

Rabbi Twerski believed that it is much more difficult to parent in today’s generation, more than in previous generations. There are many more obstacles to overcome, such as immorality and defiance of authority. He believed that parents need a great deal of guidance as to how to parent, to overcome these obstacles.

We are the children of Avraham. Like him, we must make it a priority to teach all that is holy and just in this world.

Worry About Soul

Rabbi Twerski quoted his mother in connection with this week’s Parsha. She used to say that most people are concerned more with their own גוף, body, and other people’s נשמה, spirituality, than vice versa.

Avraham Avinu was different in that he put other people’s physical needs before his own, and put his spiritual needs first.

We see this in the way he practiced הכנסת אורחים, welcoming guests. He was in physical pain, recovering from his ברית מילה, but was distraught that it was too hot for guests to appear. His desire was not only to feed his guests, but it was also meant to teach them about the One G-d, and how they need to live spiritual lives.

There are stories told of some of the greatest sages, who felt terrible when they were oblivious to the cries of a baby, or a guest they didn’t notice.

They were well aware that they needed to come down to earth and focus on others and their spiritual needs. Once, the Vilna Gaon didn’t notice someone entering his Succah. He felt so bad about slighting the other gentleman, that he blessed him that he would live to 100, and so he did. He lived to 100.

Yishmael

Rabbi Twerski wrote very harshly about Yishmael and his descendants. Hagar was commanded to go back and be subservient to Sara. She was told she would have a son who would be a פרא אדם, like a wild ass. His hand will be in everything, and the hand of others on him.

In different generations, there were prophecies as to what the Jewish people will have to endure from the children of Yishmael.

Rabbi Twerski felt that “the hand of others will be on him,” refers to the period of time when the Arabs gained great domination of the world because of their oil. Onkelos was the one who alluded to this.

The חפץ חיים expressed concern as to what the ישמעאלים might do to us in the end of days. And the בעל הטורים was the most outspoken when he said the the Mashiach cannot come until these people fall, and lose their power.

What is most fascinating is that these prophecies have come true, when they were predicted so long ago.

Avoid Conflict

The incident of the dispute between the shepherds of Avraham and the shepherds of Lot, is most disturbing. At the end of the Pasuk, that speaks of this conflict, it says, והכנעני והפריזי אז יושב בארץ, that the Canaanite and Prizite nations were still dwelling in the land.

The question is what this has to do with the conflict between the shepherds. The answer is to emphasize that these decadent nations were able to get along, but Avraham and Lot’s shepherds could not.

We learn from here how far we must go to avoid מחלוקת and dissension. Sometimes it is better for so called close relatives to separate and distance themselves from one another, rather than argue and harbor bad feelings.

The Chofetz Chaim once said that he would close down ninety Yeshivot, rather than allow one iota of dissension.

And the late Jewish comedian, Milton Berle, once said, “Happiness is a warm loving family in another city!” Maybe Uncle Milty learned this from Avraham Avinu.

Gleaning from Relationships

Following Avraham’s victorious war victory between the four kings and the five kings, he sits with one of the kings. We are told that his name is מלכי צדק מלך שלם, and he was also a כהן.

We learn further that this king known as Malki Tzedek is none other than Shem the son of Noach. And at some point in time, he established the Yeshiva of Shem and Eiver, that Yakov Avinu attended.

The Rabbis asked about this post war meeting as to what exactly Avraham and Shem talked about during their meeting. They compared this to a long meeting that was held between two Chassidic giants and their discussion.

Each was known for a particularly strong character trait. They met to try to see how they could learn from one another, so that each could go higher in their service of Hashem.

The same was true with the Avraham-Shem meeting. Avraham was fascinated how Shem was able to bring people to study Torah. And Shem was impressed with אברהם’s legendary הכנסת אורחים, welcoming guests. Each of these giants wanted to learn how to glean the good from each other.

Similarly, in our relationships with people we respect and admire, we should be able to glean from one another, so that we, too, can grow in our closeness to Hashem.

Making Decisions

Rabbi Twerski was of the opinion that Avraham Avinu sinned, and made a bad decision by going to Egypt during the famine. He was not told to go there, and should have had more faith that Hashem would take care of him.

The question of how we make major life decisions, is a big one. We hope that our instincts and analysis are correct and that we will get the anticipated results.

Rabbi Twerski suggests three steps we should take before making such decisions, that will increase the chances of all going well.

First, it is critical that we accept our own vulnerability. We must realize that we are only human beings and we are not totally in control of our destiny. A little humility, is a good way to start.

Second, we should be in the habit of studying books of Mussar. This will help us be connected to Kedusha, holiness. When we are connected in this way, we will be led in the right direction. If we are not connected to holiness, G-d forbid, we can be led astray.

The third point is that ideally we should have a loyal, trusted friend, that we can bounce off ideas. Even better would be to have a rabbinic mentor who cares about us, and will guide us in the right way.

If Avraham Avinu can make an error in judgement, how careful must we be!

Avraham not Avram

Shavua Tov-

The question was asked to why the Torah tells us that Avraham must not be called Avram, but it doesn’t say that Yakov can no longer be called Yakov, after he was named, Yisrael.

It was explained in מעינה של תורה, that there was a numerical significance to the number of letters of the matriarchs and patriarchs.

The number of letters in the names, שרה רבקה רחל לאה equals thirteen, which equals, אחד, one. With the change from אברם to אברהם, the numerical value of אברהם יצחק יעקב, also equals thirteen doubled is twenty-six, equal to Hashem’s holy name of י-ה-ו-ה.

Therefore, Avraham should never be called אברהם, and יעקב should not be called ישראל, so as not to disrupt this very significant Gematria.

Man is Meant to Struggle

Parshat לך לך tells of Avraham Avinu making the long journey from אור כשדים to the land of כנען.

We were told at the end of last week’s Parsha, that Abraham’s father, תרח, died in חרן. He apparently was aware that there was something special about כנען but did not have the spiritual strength to make the entire journey. He let his dream of Aliya die, and opted for the comforts of חרן, rather than deal with the difficulties of כנען.

Avraham, on the other hand, never let go of his convictions. Hashem never told him specially where he was to go. His instructions were to go to the land that he would be shown. And he was told to leave his land, his birthplace, and his father’s house, so as to give greater reward for his faith.

This is similar to the instructions regarding the עקידה. “Take your son, your only son, that you loved, Yitzchak.” He was to be given a reward for each aspect of his act of faith.

The lesson from all of this is that we are asked to make difficult decisions as part of our commitment to Judaism. We must also be reminded the teaching from Pirkei Avot, לפום צערא אגרא, according to the pain is the reward. We also say from the Book of Job, אדם לעמל יולד, that man was made to struggle.

We must recognize this point and embrace it. The greater the commitment, the greater the ultimate reward. This is learned from אברהם אבינו.

Preserving Life

Among the Seven Noachide Laws is the prohibition to commit murder. This commandment is more about the preservation of life, than the taking of a life.

The wording of the Torah is שופך דם אדם באדם, that one must not spill the blood of a human being living inside another human being. Some see this as a direct prohibition against abortion.

This reflects the importance of preserving human life. Rabbi Twerski wrote that during the cholera epidemic, Rav Yisrael Salanter issued a rabbinic ruling that it was forbidden for all Jews to fast that year on Yom Kippur.

This is a source for how we must work at taking care of our bodies. Rabbi Twerski felt that there should be much stronger rebukes to the dangers of smoking, and how it violates the Torah. The same is true of other addictions such as drugs and alcohol. He even mentioned obesity as a kind of disease that could shorten one’s life.

While it is popular to be “frume” and take on all kinds of unnecessary stringencies, it must not come at the expense of overlooking such important Mitzvot of taking care of, and preserving human life.

Changing Generations

The שפת אמת gives a brilliant answer as to how it was possible for Noach to get drunk shortly after leaving the ark. After all, he was over 600 years old and he should have known his limits as to how much wine he could handle.

The world after the flood was not the same as the world before. The natural order of things had changed to such an extent that the same amount of wine Noach drank before the flood that had no effect on him, now got him totally drunk.

Rabbi Twerski commented that we also need to make the realization that this generation is nothing like the previous one. While today, for example, a “time out” might work as a form of discipline, it would have been laughed at in earlier generations.

This realization is especially important for parents in educating their children. The decline of morality in society, presents challenges that did not exist before.

It is essential that parents receive training and advice in dealing with these challenges. The fact that there are so many choices of lifestyles out there, makes it that much more difficult to keep children religious. Parents need to work extra hard at חינוך, education, so that we do not lose our youth.

There is no better way to educate than to become role models for the younger generation. That is by far the superior method of teaching. Even as early as Noach’s time, adjustments needed to be made, to adapt to the challenges of the next generation.

Battle With Yeitzer Hara

After the flood, when Noach and his family left the ark, Hashem made an observation. He came to the realization that יצר לב האדם רע מנעוריו, that man’s inclination is evil from his youth. Therefore, He promised that He would never again destroy the world.

This realization represents the struggle that man has to overcome the יצר הרע. Rabbi Twerski pointed out that it is the יצר הרע that causes us to rationalize. It gives justification for a person to sin or not be able to reach his goal.

It is very difficult to overcome the יצר הרע. It is like walking a tightrope, where we are pulled in two different directions. We must maintain the middle ground.

We also know that it is Hashem that sends the יצר הרע to test us. We must develop the tools to be strong and not give in to temptation and rationalization. We can do this by regularly studying such classic works as מסילת ישרים, The Path of the Righteous, and ארחות צדיקים, The Ways of the Righteous. Conquering the יצר is a struggle, but we can be victorious.

Emotions and Intellect

Rabbi Twerski addressed the Rashi that said that Noach may not have been the great Tzaddik, he was made out to be. Rashi pointed out that Noach entered the ark, מפני מי המבול, because of the waters of the flood.

This meant that נח was lacking in faith, and only after the rains became strong did he enter. But how is this possible when our hero is still described as being righteous.

Rabbi Twerski makes a major distinction between intellectual knowledge (שכל), and emotional knowledge (רגש). On an intellectual level, Noach believed wholeheartedly that there would be a flood. But on an emotional level, he still had some doubts.

This explains why it’s difficult to break addictions or even stop oneself from intermarrying. On an intellectual level, it is known what the right thing is to do. However, on an emotional level, one is unable to overcome these emotions, and do the right thing.

This has a great deal to do with what we call, מלחמת היצר, the war with our evil inclination. We must work on ourselves to be certain that the שכל will win against the רגש.