Holy Sleep

Shavua Tov-

Rabbi Twerski has an unusual take on one aspect of Yakov Avinu’s dream. He points out that when he woke up from his sleep, he realized that Hashem was in that place.

The realization that he made after not sleeping for fourteen years in the Yeshiva of Shem and Eiver, is that sleep can be a holy act. Yakov suddenly realized that a rejuvenated body, is better able to serve Hashem.

Therefore, when one goes to sleep and he thinks that he’s sleeping because he needs sleep, it is a mundane act. But when he is consciously aware that his sleep will better allow him to serve Hashem, sleeping becomes a holy act.

Mishlei also makes such a reference when Shlomo Hamelech points out that when we sleep the amount needed, it is serving Hashem. But when we increase sleep when not needed, it is an act of laziness.

The message here is, בכל דרכיך דעהו, “In all your ways, know Him.” The goal is to elevate otherwise mundane activities to acts that serve G-d. A student of mine once said, “I didn’t brush my teeth just to brush my teeth. I did so that my mouth will be clean, when I say my prayers to Hashem.” He got the message.

Yakov’s Low Self Esteem

This week read פרשת ויצא and Yakov’s dream of the ladder and angels ascending and descending. There is a very difficult Midrash that days Yakov was told by G-d in the dream to ascend the ladder and not be afraid.

The Midrash explains that Yakov saw the mighty empires of Babylonia, Persia, Greece, and Rome, also ascending the ladder. Yakov was afraid that if he went up the ladder, he would have to descend. Despite Hashem’s promise that he would not fall, his fear overtook him, and he did not go up the ladder.

He was told that because of his lack of trust and giving in to his fears, his descendants will now have to suffer under the rulership of these four empires.

This seems like a very harsh punishment for his momentary lack of faith. Yakov thought that perhaps he lost his merits because of his sins. Avraham Avinu never had such doubts.

Rabbi Twerski wrote that Yakov’s actions reflect a sign of low self esteem where he is afraid to initiate, for fear of failure. Success occurs only when one has the strength to withstand failure.

There are so many lessons to be learned from our forefathers.

Don’t Cause Grief to Others

Many commentators point out the similarities in wording between Eisav’s crying out upon hearing that the ברכה was taken from him, and Mordechai’s crying out after learning of Haman’s plans.

In פרשת תולדות it says, ויצעק צעקה גדולה ומרה and in מגילת אסתר it’s written, ויזעק זעקה גדולה ומרה. The translation in both instances is the same. Both Eisav and Mordechai cried a great and bitter cry. The words צעקה and זעקה both mean to cry out.

Rabbi Twerski takes this interesting similarity to teach that causing another person distress, is a very grievous sin. Yakov Avinu was obeying his mother’s instructions by dressing up as his brother. And it was clear that Eisav had sold the birthright and didn’t deserve it. Nevertheless, causing another person grief is a very serious matter. It is so serious that it may have been responsible for Eisav’s descendant, Haman, to threaten to annihilate the Jewish people.

We are to take this message to heart in our day to day dealings. If one fills the role as employer and he needs to dismiss an employee. Or, he has ten applicants for one position. He should fulfill his task with compassion and kindness. It’s bad enough that the other side will feel disappointment. He does not need to also feel humiliation.

We should always do our best to consider the feelings of others. Fortunately, we do not have to deal with Eisavs, but we should always try to be nice.

Materialism and Spirituality

Rabbi Twerski pointed out that it is interesting that when Yitzchak blessed Yakov, thinking it was Eisav, he began with the words, ויתן לך אלוקים, “May Hashem give you.”

His רוח הקודש, Holy Spirit, caused Yitzchak to include G-d’s name in the blessing. But when Eisav came and begged his father for some kind of blessing, the Bracha that he ultimately received, did not include Hashem’s name.

This implies that there was a subconscious realization on the part of Yitzchak, that Eisav did not have ability to connect to anything spiritual.

And when Yakov was blessed with “the dew from Heaven, and the oils of the earth,” there was another important subtle lesson for Yakov and his descendants to learn.

A Jew can live a spiritual life, ONLY if he realizes that one’s mundane possessions are a Divine gift. Without this realization, his materialism will weigh him down and prevent him from rising to spiritual heights, as intended in Yitzchak’s blessing.

Highs and Lows

We learn another important message from the interaction between Yakov and Eisav. We see the extremes that a Jew can choose when deciding how to live one’s life.

A Jew is different from a Gentile in that the spiritual heights that a Jew is capable of achieving, cannot be matched by anyone but a Jew.

And if, G-d forbid, one goes to the other extreme, a Jew can sink to a lower level than any other human being.

This was seen in the behavior of Yakov and Eisav. Yakov chose the path of holiness and his whole essence was to get closer and closer to Hashem. Eisav, on the other hand, epitomized evil. Five years were taken from Avraham’s life so that he would be spared from seeing his grandson for what he was. Eisav raped and murdered, was an idolator, and rejected the G-d of his father.

Some held that despite how far a person fell, his Pintele Yid, his flicker of Jewishness would come out. Others held that there was a point of no return where one would never be able to pick himself up.

The choice is ours as to which path we take in life. It is not always easy to make the right choices. But we say in Pirkei Avot, לפום צערא אגרא, according to the pain, is the reward.

Eisav’s Reasoning

Rabbi Twerski compares Eisav’s behavior at the time of the selling of the birthright, to many of the scoffers of our religion.

He describes the meeting over the lentil soup in a unique way. When Eisav asks why the lentil soup, Yakov informs his brother that their grandfather, Avraham, had passed away. Eisav reacts to the news by claiming how unjust it was for their saintly grandfather to be taken from this world. It is another indication that the world is not run by fairness and goodness, if such a man could be taken.

Eisav was showing why his way of life of living for the moment, made the most sense. He did not believe in עולם הבא, the World to Come, and certainly did not believe in תחיית המתים, the Resurrection of the Dead.

Yakov then realized that the birthright should be his, and Eisav willingly sold it to him. Unfortunately, there are many scoffers among us, that share Eisav’s views. If they would only open their eyes and see the bigger picture, they might realize just how special it is to be a Jew.

Positive Environment

Shavua Tov-

A question was asked about Yakov Avinu in the womb. We are told that when Rivka passed a place of learning, he wanted to get out. If it is known by tradition that a baby is learning Torah while in the womb, why did he want to get out?

The answer that is given is that even though the fetus, Yakov, was learning Torah, he wanted to do this in the proper environment. If it meant learning Torah with the wicked Eisav, he preferred to learn in “Cheidar,” a school for children, than being in the comfort of his mother’s womb.

Although this is slightly humorous, there is a message here.

We must never minimize how we are affected by our environment. We must place ourselves in the best situation where we can thrive.

If someone chooses to live in a place where he is the only observant Jew, among totally secular people, and he believes that he will maintain his intense Torah study and religious observance, he is badly mistaken.

We all need to be in a setting where we are surrounded by others who share our priorities. This way we become a team working together to achieve our goals. When we are going against the current, it is a challenge we cannot overcome.

Even Yakov in the womb, understood this!

Rebuke Brings Peace

This week we read פרשת תולדות. It begins by telling us that both Yitzchak and Rivka prayed very hard that they would be blessed with a child for they were barren.

Rabbi Twerski questions the Midrash that says that Hashem desires the prayers of the righteous. He points out that it almost seems cruel that Hashem puts Yitzchak and Rivka through the agony of being childless, just because He likes the prayers of צדיקים.

The answer to this question serves to emphasize the power of prayer.

The explanation to this question is that Hashem felt that Yitzchak and Rivka needed to rise spiritually before they were ready to become parents to children who were meant to carry on Jewish values.

Prayer has the ability to do this. We, too, are capable of rising spiritually through prayer. We must not be in a rush to get it over with. But we must work at putting ourselves in a high meditative state, where we can feel Hashem close to us. We must never underestimate the power of prayer. It truly can bring about a change of decrees made against us in Heaven. And we might very well be given, what we ask for. It worked for Yitzchak and Rivka, and can also work for us.

Shidduchim

Rabbi Twerski points out that the only real biblical source for Shidduchim, or matchmaking, is the incident of Eliezer seeking a bride for Yitzchak.

What we learn from this incident is that the most important thing to look for in a spouse, is good Midot. When Eliezer saw the kindness and Chessed in Rivka’s behavior, he was convinced that she was the right choice.

The same yardstick should apply today as well, where good character should be on the top of our list of priorities.

In addition to Chessed, there should also be אמת. This means both honesty and being truthful.

The worst way to start a marriage is to conceal flaws until after the marriage. These may involve Jewish genetic diseases, or other serious medical issues. The lack of אמת that is only found out later, may be too painful a disappointment to overcome.

Instead of getting bogged down on expensive and often foolish wedding plans, it is far more important to focus on the kind of home that will be created after the wedding.

And if we learn from the Rivka-Yitzchak Shidduch, that home must have Chessed as its foundation.

Challenges for Parents

Rav Yakov Yisrael Kanievski, who was known as the Steipler Gaon, and died in 1985, had an interesting observation about our current way of life.

The affluence of today’s world, comes with a price, as compared with previous generations. It was not that long ago that most Jews lived in poverty, and were accustomed to not being able to attain their desires.

A fruit was a precious treat, and a new article of clothing, a rare acquisition. A child learned to live with hunger, and this trained him to be happy with his lot.

Nowadays, children are used to getting whatever they want. There is an abundance of food, including sweets, and every child dresses like a prince. Children come to expect that they will easily receive whatever they want.

When they start school and meet other children who are brighter than them, this creates envy and jealousy.

Parents cannot give their children success and respect. This is the major down side of affluence. It creates this negative trait of jealousy, mainly because they are taught they can have everything. Their parents cannot make their children the smartest and brightest. But they must be aware of this modern day challenge.

Jealousy is one of the most destructive negative personality traits. It takes away all hope of joy and contentment. The advice of the Steipler Gaon should be taken very seriously.

A Content Mother

The usual explanation as to what was the cause of death for Sara, was that she died of a broken heart when she heard of the Binding of Isaac.

I even heard a story years ago of a young third grader in Chicago, who wept profusely when his teacher told him of our Morher Sara, passing away. The boy grew up to be a successful and very much loved, rabbi.

The lesser known interpretation is that there was a reason why Sara died because of the עקידה. Every Jewish mother prays that her children grow up to be good G-d fearing, Torah observant Jews.

When Sara heard that her son had reached the pinnacle of Emunah, by being prepared to risk his life for Hashem, she realized that her work was done. Yitzchak surpassed any expectation she could have had for her son. Her life’s mission was complete. She could leave this world as a very contented Jewish mother.

Leave Personal Interest Aside

A question was asked about Eliezer’s prayer to Hashem. We learn that he had קפיצת הדרך, which means his path jumped. This is an expression showing that he made his journey in a miraculously short time. This was a clear sign that Hashem was with him. So what was he asking in his prayer?

Rabbi Twerski wrote that he was praying that he would maintain objectivity. We are told that Eliezer, himself, had an eligible daughter for Yitzchak. He wanted to be sure that he would be guided by being faithful to his master and not be swayed by personal interest.

This is a very good prayer for all of us to make. We are often faced with decisions and dilemmas that require objectivity and the need to do what is right. Personal interest can sway our decision and hold us back from accomplishing our mission.

There are so many important lessons taught in the Torah. We need to open our hearts and eyes, and listen to them.

Why Charan

The question was asked as to why Avraham Avinu sent Eliezer to his family in חרן, who were idol worshippers, instead of marrying off Yitzchak to one of the idol worshippers in Canaan.

Rabbi Twerski explains that there was a difference between Avraham’s family and the Canaanites. The attachment to idol worship with his family, was only on an intellectual level. They were influenced by the people of their time, but did it mainly because everyone else was doing it.

In the case of the Canaanites, their idol worship was an expression of their ingrained evil. It was as if decadence was in their genes. Uprooting such evil is extremely difficult.

However, when one’s attachment to a movement is only intellectual, it is much easier to bring about change.

This was the reason Avraham went to the trouble of sending Eliezer on his mission. And it certainly paid off. Because Rivka was already a gem and very special despite her surroundings.

Handling Tragedy

This week we read about Sara’s passing in חיי שרה. We are told that Avraham came to eulogize Sara and ולבכתה, which means to cry for her.

The Torah has a small כ in the word ולבכתה. One explanation is that Avraham Avinu did not cry too much. There is a Midrash that says that she died on Yom Kippur when it was forbidden to show signs of mourning.

Rabbi Twerski takes this story to teach us how the צדיקים handled their emotions. On the one hand, they were very human and reacted to pain and suffering just like everyone else. But on the other hand, their closeness to G-d allowed them to make adjustments to the difficulties to which they were confronted.

There are numerous stories of holy people passing away on Shabbat. Yet, their righteous relatives managed to delay the mourning until after Shabbat.

They also were able to quickly accept Hashem’s decree without question.

One example was the חפץ חיים when his son died. He cried out to Hashem and said, “Ribono Shel Olam, all the love that I gave to my son, I will now give to You.”

Avraham Avinu was the first to set the example as to how a believing Jew is supposed to handle tragedy.

Lessons from Akeidat Yitzchak

The case of עקידת יצחק, the binding of Isaac, stands out as one of the greatest acts of self sacrifice in the Torah. Despite the fact that Avraham did not actually have to sacrifice his son, the way he conducted himself was exemplary.

Many point to the unshakable faith of Avraham Avinu and how he did not question Hashem despite how illogical or contradictory this request was. This in itself is something we all need to follow. We need to fulfill Hashem’s wishes despite the challenges they present.

The other aspect of the Akeida that deserves attention was Avraham’s struggles with the שטן, Satan, who put many obstacles in his path. The Midrash speaks of rivers that Avraham needed to tread through. It also speaks of Satan appearing as an old man, filling him with all kinds of doubts as to the authenticity of his mission.

Overcoming the שטן, or the יצר הרע, is often our greatest challenge of all. It does everything possible to put doubts in our heads and to get us off course from fulfilling our holy mission in this world.

This is the reason why we read the עקידה each morning in our prayers. We are to learn from אברהם אבינו to have unshakable faith in Hashem, and to have the strength to overcome all negativity and efforts to get us away from our sacred calling of serving Hashem with all our hearts and all our souls.

A Jewish Mother’s Compassion

It is a well known statement of Chazal that Jews are known as ביישנים, רחמנים, and גומלי חסדים, that we are shy, merciful, and we do acts of kindness.

Rabbi Twerski, surprisingly, points out that this is not the nature of non-Jews. He uses the case of Hagar and Yishmael, when they are sent away by Sara.

The Torah tells us that Yishmael had passed out from the intense heat, and his loving mother said the following: אל אראה במות הילד, which, in essence, means that she plans on abandoning her son because it’s too painful to watch the boy die.

Rabbi Twerski contends that no Jewish mother would ever react in that fashion. She would stay with her child, continue praying, and hope for a miracle.

This is what separates Jews from the rest of the world. And this is why we often hear that when a Jew behaves in a cruel manner, that people will ask if he’s really Jewish.

We are a shy, kind, and compassionate people. We should be proud of these wonderful character traits.

Learning Values at Home

The proof of how much we are influenced by our home, is reflected in the behavior of Lot when the angels visited him in Sodom.

He was never considered a righteous person by any means. In fact, in spoken Hebrew, someone who is very drunk is referred to as ,”שיכור כלוט,” drunk like Lot. He also showed his low character by choosing to live in the most decadent place on earth.

Despite all of that, he did grow up in Avraham Avinu’s house. It clearly left a mark on Lot.

The Midrash tells us that the people of Sodom issued a death penalty to anyone feeding wayfarers. This meant that the otherwise not very impressive Lot, risked his life by welcoming the angels. His upbringing would not allow him to turn his back on his guests.

This teaches us how important it is to create a home environment that is based on good character, kindness, and Chessed. This is our guarantee that regardless of the lifestyle our children may live, they will never lose sight of those precious values learned at home.

Humility Invites Divine Presence

When Avraham Avinu attempts to save סדום and עמורה, he says of himself, ואנוכי עפר ואפר, “I am dust and ashes.” I realize my insignificance compared to You, Hashem.

King David said that, אנוכי תולעת ולא איש, “I am a worm and not a man.” He would say this when he went off to war, as he, too, realized his own insignificance, and his victory in battle depended only on Hashem.

Moshe and Aharon didn’t understand why the nation lodged their complaints against them. They said, ואנחנו מה, “ And what are we?” They, too realized their own insignificance.

If Avraham, David, Moshe and Aharon spoke in this fashion, we are to learn the importance of ענווה, humility. These men were among the greatest Jews who ever lived, because of their humility.

Rabbi Twerski wrote that “humility invited the שכינה, the Divine Presence. Arrogance pushes it away.” One of the tricks of the יצר הרע is that it plays with our egos and tries to make us think more of ourselves than we really are. This is designed to confuse us and distance us from G-d. It gives us a sense of entitlement, which is a strong sign of egotism.

We must learn from our great sages to always remain humble and attribute all of our achievements to Hashem’s kindness. This will allow us to remain close to Him.

Educating Our Children

Shavua Tov-

When Hashem is confronted with the evil of סדום and עמורה, He realizes that it would be wrong not to explain Himself to Avraham Avinu. So before those cities are destroyed He has a conversation with Avraham.

The main motivation for this conversation come from the words, כי ידעתיו למען אשר יצוה את בניו, “Because I know what he will command his children.” Hashem recognizes how Avraham will educate his children and grandchildren. He will teach them right from wrong and how to be a people of Chesed, always being prepared to help one another. Eliminating those five cities may not be so easy to comprehend. That is why Hashem shows Avraham why he’s left with no choice.

Rabbi Twerski takes this episode to emphasize that the primary effectiveness of parenting is setting the proper example for one’s children. Lecturing is not nearly as effective as being role models. Children of all ages, notice everything about their parents. Setting the right example, means everything.

Rabbi Twerski believed that it is much more difficult to parent in today’s generation, more than in previous generations. There are many more obstacles to overcome, such as immorality and defiance of authority. He believed that parents need a great deal of guidance as to how to parent, to overcome these obstacles.

We are the children of Avraham. Like him, we must make it a priority to teach all that is holy and just in this world.

Worry About Soul

Rabbi Twerski quoted his mother in connection with this week’s Parsha. She used to say that most people are concerned more with their own גוף, body, and other people’s נשמה, spirituality, than vice versa.

Avraham Avinu was different in that he put other people’s physical needs before his own, and put his spiritual needs first.

We see this in the way he practiced הכנסת אורחים, welcoming guests. He was in physical pain, recovering from his ברית מילה, but was distraught that it was too hot for guests to appear. His desire was not only to feed his guests, but it was also meant to teach them about the One G-d, and how they need to live spiritual lives.

There are stories told of some of the greatest sages, who felt terrible when they were oblivious to the cries of a baby, or a guest they didn’t notice.

They were well aware that they needed to come down to earth and focus on others and their spiritual needs. Once, the Vilna Gaon didn’t notice someone entering his Succah. He felt so bad about slighting the other gentleman, that he blessed him that he would live to 100, and so he did. He lived to 100.